Friday, December 9, 2016
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Now Jones is doing rather well. She is helping me write this post now. I had to let Freckles and Sister out, they were disruptive. Lol.
My dogs and cat are part of my family and they are like my children. My babies are loved. And spoiled. They are the sweetest creatures.
I don't know if I could have made it through my recovery with my Freckles.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
We have two new faces in the family. We have two new cats and they are the coolest. I am not a real fan of them, but they chase mice and I am OK with that. Tommy loves cats and I love him, so that is all.
|So proud of my 14 year old!!|
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Anyways, I am Blogging today instead of doing my late homework. It'll all get done today. I'm gonna hip on it right after taking care of my sick kid, the laundry, the dishes, cleaning up the yard (again) & etc.
I wish I had more help. I'm really tired of the laziness. It seems like I'm the only one who cares. My husband doesn't get to stay home all the time since some idiot, yes we know who you are, keeps turning him in. We have to suffer apart a lot due to their stupidity. But, enough on that. Back to what I was saying. My husband would help if he didn't work all the time or can't be here. My son tries to help when he's not going to school or football. Our middle son who is 18, doesn't do much AT ALL. We are getting a little tired of his overall not do a damn thing. He needs to wake up. He's gotta at least try.
With that being said, he's also gotta get that giant chip off his shoulder and quit getting butthurt at everything we say. And I do mean everything. When we try to teach him or even advise him, he gets defensive and there is no talking to him whatsoever. He immediately goes to his room, get on his phone and calls or texts someone he can cry to to tell them how bad we mistreat him. Poor Baby!! It's tough being an adult. Ya ought to be in mine and your Daddy's shoes. Then you might see what it is like.
Don't get me wrong, we love all our kids and want what's best for them. We just aren't going to just give it to them. They need to understand the value of themselves and to apply themselves. It's only right.
We can't let them think life is easy. It's not all fun and games either. We pray for all of our families and hold them dear to our hearts and we want to see the best for them.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
There is no good way around it, life is hard and just gets harder. All is well and good when we are kids and don't know it yet. I hate it that we don't realize it. Now granted my childhood was not perfect, but I know I had it better than some or most. My grandparents raised me and took me from an abusive home and tried to make a better life for me and my brother. They loved us enough to step up and take care of business. I have learned many valuable lessons from my grandparents and really know that I am blessed because of it.
My kids know right from wrong and they know that hard work will get you somewhere, but things just fell apart. We have so many things going wrong, but trying to go right it is not funny. We are trying to get our lives back but things just aren't working according to "my" plan evidently. I thought I was trying to follow "God's" plan for us. I am not sure what to do. Right now I know we are not supposed to take a U-turn and go back to what road we were on. I know our road is long, but we have to keep going. Please pray for us to keep going on our road to recovery.
There are several things that need to be said or done. I know I'm not perfect, but we need a break. I am praying and asking the Lord for help. All I need to do is keep being positive and praying. I love my family and I will do just about anything to keep them. I promise that I love God and I love my family.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Looking for Lovely | Read an Excerpt a Playlist!: We’re so excited about the new Looking for Lovely Bible study by Annie F. Downs! You may have seen and even read the book by the same name. The Bible study dives deeper into the biblical resp…
Thursday, April 28, 2016
I think it's cool to be able to make money from home this way. I am a member of several sites and will continue to sign up for more. I just have to keep trying and things will happen. You never know, things happen for a reason. Gotta love free.
God bless y'all.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Here is a little information that was from Matthew Lesko that I found. If it can save you money, it is worth it. The YouTube video says it is a $120 grant from the government to pay for wi-fi at home.
Seems like it may be worth a little effort.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Now don't get me wrong, we are not perfect. LOL. But, we are trying to get by and help each other out, like family is supposed to do. I am trying to do what I can to help out and they are doing what they can. I appreciate them letting us stay here and I'm not just saying that because she might be reading it. They did not have to take in a middle-aged woman with a bottom-less pit of a 13 year old and all our drama. My husband being in jail is the least of the problems due to other baggage and issues.
My family is my life and it is hard for me to be without all of them. Cody understands when I become a sobbing mess and tries to help me. Freckles mostly takes over and licks my face. He has helped me so much too. They know that I don't want to break, but when I do, it is bad. I have had a migraine for two days and I have been praying and praying my husband will get out soon. The devil is trying to get inside my head and make me think awful thoughts and I am trying to resist. I pray I can do this. Please Lord keep those people away and don't let my husband contact them again. Those people are no good and I don't want to see her or anyone of their kind around him or my sons ever again. They are not wanted here. She can leave and never come back and I will be happy. It will not be the case though. I have been trying for 15 years and they always come back because they always want MY husband to take care of them. They need to stay away. HE IS MY HUSBAND. I think they need to learn how to take care of themselves or find someone who can. I am done. My husband loves me and I love him. Why can't they just leave us alone?
I am so tired and weary. I sit here looking through old pics and think of my boys. They love their dad and hopefully will see him soon. I am so tired of crying. God bless you all.
Monday, April 11, 2016
Well, I'm at war with myself. My husband does not believe me that I am behaving myself in my recovery. I have not touched a bit since BEFORE he went to jail. I know better. Now I am not telling everyone this just to hear myself talk. I am pissed now though. I cannot get him out of jail and so he is angry with me. So what the hell do I do? Why does he have to take it out on me?
I am now at war with everyone but Tommy and Cody. Cody is my rock. Why should I trust anyone else? Especially when no one trusts me. I have given up a lot and wanted to change my life when I met my husband. I accepted his two boys and his girl as my own. But, they all called another mom and even made a point to call even another mom. They have tried and tried to make me mad and threw it in my face that I am not their mother. Now these women have only tried to break my husband and I up and have only tried to cause me heartache. I dislike people like that and I have forgiven them, but I still dislike the fact that Tommy and I have been together for almost 15 years and one of them just cannot let him go. She is so unhappy with her life that she will do a lot to make everyone else miserable. I am not threatened by her, just tired of dealing with her. I do not feel the need for her in mine or my husband's life and she needs to realize that and get the hell away from all of us. She is not welcome around my home.
This is all about to come to an end. I will not put up with people meddling with my family. Now, when Tommy gets out, there are a lot of changes he has to deal with. And there will be some other changes that we discussed. There is going to be no contact, what so ever, with numerous people. We will have new phone numbers and be "off the grid" to most people. And I mean most. He has said so hisself and I am taking that and running with it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON MY HUSBAND!! That is what everyone is waiting for. Well, the wait is over. Go away. I will not give up on him, so you can leave now and save yourselves the trouble for when he gets out. There is no need for you to contact me or him, or even come by. Thanks.
I am not making anyone the enemy. They make themselves that when they lie to me or my son or even try to use us. I have not tried to use anyone. It may seem like it, but I have always made a point to not use anyone, even when other people do it to support their habit.
There are a lot of people out there that are nice to your face, some days. But, there are even more fakes, users, manipulators and etc. out there. I do not plan on being one of them. We deal with them everyday. We just need to know when to spot them.
I love my family and want what is best for them even if I AM THE BAD GUY/GAL. That is all I have ever done and I pay the price. They can all go around spewing lies and making themselves look good. Ya know, they need to take a step back and check themselves again. That magic mirror is wrong. That things lies to us like we lie to ourselves. We just have to know the difference and MAKE A DIFFERENCE in our lives or someone elses.
Thanks for listening. God bless.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
I am really in need of some patience. I am sitting here singing the Guns 'N Roses song. "Just a little patience, yeah yeah" I guess it kind of calms me down. It just gets me to singing that song anyways. Right now I don't have much patience left. I am trying not to lose my temper and not get mad over every little thing. It is hard for me not to say some things and hard for me to ask for help and point out the obvious. I really really appreciate the help I have been receiving and want so much to be able to pay them back and not have that hanging over my head each day.
Tommy tells me not to worry too much about it, but I really do worry about and I hate to even hint or ask for help. Now I have gone and asked all of my family for help. Now no one is jumping up to help. I cannot even get a response from my messages, either voice or text or even Facebook messaging. Am I that bad? Have I burned my bridges? I did not think that I have been asking too much of them. My aunt has helped me a few times the last two weeks since I have had technical issues with my PayPal. Thanks to her, I could get a few sales calls done and make a few bucks. I really, really need help to make this work since I think we are down to the last leg of this journey.
I am really excited that I got an offer from United Supermarkets. I really wanted the job and had my second interview yesterday. It will be paying more per hour starting out since I have experience. I got another call today and got a job offer from Driveline and I think I'm gonna take it. It pays $2.00 an hour more than the United job's starting pay. But, I really would rather do the merchandising job and really would like the freedom and the flexibility and even more money an hour. I am super excited and thank God for this. I am trying to get my life together and really want this opportunity. The Lord had been with me and my family and now is the test and more and more positive things are going to happen. I just need to keep on track and keep going. I'm so proud and cannot wait to tell Tommy about it and since I cannot talk to him right now, I can tell him when I go see him in the morning. I am super excited and can't wait until we leave to go see him. Man, I guess I need to get some sleep so I can get up and get ready in the morning.
Good night and God bless!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Freckles is just a miracle. His mom had 10 pups total. There were solid brown, solid black and only two speckled or freckled. There was Freckles who is red, brown, tan and white and there is Toby who is black, silver and white. Out of the 10 pups, only 3 survived. Freckles is one and the other two barley made it from what I understand. I took Freckles early to help the mom out since she had 10 and Freckles really never stayed up by the others anyways. He was very loud and it bothered the owner of the mom. The mom was a chocolate lab and the dad was a blue pit. Pictured below is the dad, our blue pit, Blue. Miss that boy everyday. He was my husband's dog and he was the best. Now, the mother of the pups, Pebbles is deceased too. She died a week after I took Freckles. Come to find out, she had been sick and I guess she passed through her milk to the other pups and 7 of them died. Now like I said, I took Freckles early because he was different and that the owner of the mom didn't like him being so loud and staying off alone. Thank God I took him is why he is healthy and alive today. He is my baby. He is huge now and will be two on July 4th. But, I wouldn't take for him.
I love my little Freckles. He is the best dog I have ever had. During my recovery and while Tommy is incarcerated. This dog is my therapy. He listens to me, lets me cry and tries to make it better, he is just an all around help. Cody and Freckles get along most days. They play a lot and fight a lot. But, in any case I know I got a good, smart dog and at least he loves my husband or one of them would have to go. And I guess I would have to find a good home for my husband to go to. Ha Ha. Just kidding. They would have to suck it up and go on. I would not give up my husband, my son or my dogs. I love them all and my other sons and my daughter. I love my family and it is us against the world.
Above is pictures of Freckles enjoying the fan. He is such a ham. He loves to lay in front of the air conditioner and the fan. He really cracks me up. I love that boy. He may be a Daddy soon. More on that later. God bless.
Friday, April 1, 2016
I just think it is cool that my son loves to take photos just like me I really love to catch people, animals and even the scenery. My favorite thing right now is heart-shaped things in nature. Our preacher talked about it one Sunday and it makes me think like him. God loves us and that is one of the many ways he reminds us of his love. I love to see heart-shaped cactus, leaves or anything in nature. I have mostly pics of those and Cody had mostly sunsets and horizons. But, anyways I love to see what he comes up with each time. He is my little boy even though he is not so little. When we went to visit his Dad in jail, Tommy said it looked like he grew a foot. He is getting so big and I just love him so much and that is why MY recovery is so important. I know that Tommy is being put through his recovery/detox by being in jail, but my son is helping me with mine. He knows what is going on because I tell him everything. I mean EVERYTHING. That boy knows who is fake and who is real because I am teaching him. Talk about the "School of Hard Knocks". Cody knows how to read people and can spot a fake. He knows who is trying to use who and can keep them at arms length.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
God Bless Y'all!!!
Well, I got to talk to Tommy finally. Thanks to Angela. I guess I will never understand her. Tommy tries to help me, but can't do it either. I am also not like that. I really care about people and want to help them. I don't want recognition. I just truly like to make people happy.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
So, here goes: You can find more info on the www.new-eyes.org website.
The school counselor called and gave me some info on who to contact:
She told me to call Vision USA, but instead I Googled www.aoafoundation.org/vision-usa them and found out that I do not qualify since I have Medicaid, but there may be someone out there who needs to contact them, so just Google Vision USA and you will see if you qualify.
When you look up the new-eyes website, it will also bring up the other and about 5 other sites that can help: Commission For The Blind, Lions Clubs, Vision USA, Sight for Students and EyeCare America. The glasses will come from the retailer www.MarvelOpitics.com. Individuals cannot apply for themselves. The online application is only accessible to social service agencies who apply on their clients behalf. Eligibility requirements are:
- Meet the U.S. Poverty guidelines.
- Have had a recent eye exam. New Eyes does not pay for eye exams. Contact Us if you need assistance in locating a source of free or low-cost eye exams
- Have no other resources available to them to pay for glasses, including federal or state programs or assistance from local charitable organizations.
Happy hunting everyone...
Friday, March 18, 2016
Thursday, March 17, 2016
God bless you.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
I just love the rain falling down. It is so wonderful. I just love when it smells good and I love to hear it on the roof. Even though we spent most of the rain fixing water leaks and doing some plumbing, it was still blissful. Now, we just need to get busy. I am so tired of uncertainty. It just drives me crazy. I wish things will get better faster, but I know I have to be patient.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
I just cannot win for losing. I get laid off from my job, then my husband gets a job, but things still aren't going right. This is stupid. I know life is hard. I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting. My husband flies off the handle for no reason and I'm just supposed to be OK with that. I'm so tired of trying to stand-up after getting knocked down, literally. My head hurts each time I get hit. I love my husband and my family. I'm just not able to do much more. I am broken. How can I heal myself and get better?
Sunday, February 28, 2016
I love my husband and I love my life. I just hope I can educate or help someone with what I am writing.
Man, we worked our ass off today to help a good friend and is wife get some things done today. Needless to say, we would have done that when we were on dope but, we really wanted to help them out and keep going and doing good. I know we missed church this morning, but we could not help that. We only have so much time before our friend has to go back to work, I will go back to work in the morning and his wife has so much homework since she is going back to school, it is not funny.
I too, am proud of us, even though I am writing this and I am about to pass out from exhaustion. I got a sunburn and so did my husband. But, sometimes we just have to do what we can and do what is right for other people.
I am not saying that is what we do ALL of the time, BUT, we at least try. I really want to be a better person and I will help everyone I can and do all I can to be that better person. I love my family and want to be the best I can be. I really hope one day that we can be proud of ourselves again.
Have a wonderful day tomorrow and have a blessed week. I know I will.
God bless you all!!!
Saturday, February 27, 2016
He feels safe where we are at and loves to be here and loves out here in the country, but just like his Daddy, he just wants a place to call his own. I just want to be able to provide and try to keep us afloat. I will be looking for another job to try and help supplement the one I have. I am just so thankful for the one I have now. I will just have to suck it up and work more.
I have still been looking for another job, just haven't been telling anyone. I am still on the hunt for the perfect job. This one is good and like I said, I am very thankful. It just isn't like the other cleaners that I worked at. At least they kind of leave me alone. Now some days, he just can't back off and let me be. But, I guess most bosses are like that.
I just want to do the best I can and make sure my family is provided for and can be we can be together and happy. I just want our son to proud of us no be embarrassed by us and want to hang out with us more. I like hanging out with him and want to take him more places and be able to afford the other things that the other kids do, to a point. I just want him to be able to experience the things that he needs to in his life. I am so proud of him and want him to be proud of himself. He is so awesome and I love that boy so much.
Now, I am biased and I know it. Just like all the mothers out there. I love all my kids and wish them all the best and hope the devil will leave them alone and they can live for God and do the best they can. I know they can. Well, I have got to get back to my chores and get some things done. Have a good weekend and a blessed Sunday!!
There you will be able to find out some useful information and hopefully get yours or your spouses or your children some affordable exams or eye glasses.
I am still on the hunt here and will let you know or will post a pic. Happy hunting for all.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Well, first of all I need to correct something that was in an earlier post. I wrote something about not wanting to kill myself and I forgot a word. I did not put don't and therefore it showed that I had wanted to commit suicide. Now, I know that is NOT an option. I will never do that. I am teaching my son that suicide is not an option. We have known several people who have done it and his father's best friend tried one night. That is just something that we tell the boys that is unacceptable. There are several teachings and I will talk about some and give examples in the bible.
Next, I also want to apologize to my mother-in-law. I said some things that I did not mean and I am sorry. I know you are reading this. I was mad that day and wish I could take them back. I could delete the post, but I am going to leave it to show that I was wrong and that I have learned from it. I am still very sorry. I know that you are helping us and I was very angry with her and I know lashing out is not the answer.
I just wish there was a way to fix all the wrong done in our lives whether it be what we have done or what has been done to us. I know, I know, we don't live in a fantasy world. I guess I am just too naive to realize sometimes, but I want to be positive and at least try. Right now my husband and I are arguing because of his hard-headedness. I know I am hard-headed too but what else can I do? I pray that the Lord opens our eyes to see and hear what we need to hear. I am so tired of arguing over nothing. I cannot take this anymore!!! I have been trying to be positive and now I am afraid I am not going to be able to stay positive. I hate the way he talks to me. So much hatred. It is not fair. I am trying to help him and I get pushed away and told how stupid I am for trying. I am broken and cannot be repaired anymore. Will I ever find my way back? Please Lord help me. I just hope someday soon we can find our happiness again.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Sunday: Had a wonderful day at church. The sermon was excellent and very informative and engaging. I love how our Preacher preaches. Now, that evening was not perfect, but we take the good times with the bad I guess.
Monday: I know the power of God was working Saturday afternoon because he turned the car around and we came home and spent time with our son and his mom and step-dad. We played dominoes and played music. We had even stopped to get a six-pack of beer to celebrate since I was so excited and he was too. I cannot express how I was so happy and just felt like a chain had been taken off or released. Now, what I meant by the power of God at work earlier is that while we were headed down the road to go that way, I was playing a game on my laptop and suddenly felt really sleepy. Well, I told my husband that I was going to close my eyes for a bit (well, it was the Holy Spirit making me keep my mouth shut and let him concentrate and have that war with his good and evil to make a good decision). I understood that afterwards. Well, it felt like I had been asleep for about an hour and in reality, it had only been about 10 minutes or less. I awoke to him turning the car around in the bar-ditch and I was so confused. I saw that where we had turned there was road construction, but it did not dawn on me what was going on. I asked him if the road was closed. Well, with a look on his face that is indescribable, he told me no and that we were going home. Well, at first I was just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Then, it dawned on me that we were not going to go to that party and mess up and back-slide on what I had been trying so hard not to do. He talks about it all the time and it really infuriates me. But, I do not say anything and just try to let it go and let him talk it out. Now granted I don't feel as though it has the same pull on me, but in a way I know it has to and that we all have to deal with addiction in our own way. We have been very honest with our son and I tell him everything that I think he needs to know and try to use as much of this as a teaching tool for a learning moment so that he understands later when he is faced with these issues. The devil with try anything and I intend to educate my son so that he can be prepared to wage that war with evil and win. Like our preacher says about the Bible, we know how it is going to end. So, we know who wins...
Have a wonderful week!!! God bless!!
Thursday, February 18, 2016
But, I am filled with the Holy Spirit and just feel so much better for taking the time to listen to Priscilla Shirer and take part in the Armor of God Study and learn so much. Now this is just my first week even though I have been to one of the studies at church for ladies night. I have the book now and know what I am up against and I am ready for this. Thanks to my mother-in-law who introduced me to this study and now it has lit a fire under me to suit up and put on my armor and get into this battle and fight!!!
Thank you Jesus!! Y'all have a blessed day!!!
It's Friday!!! Have a wonderful weekend!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Well, I made it through the day. It wasn't too bad, but different. It was hot, as I knew it would be. Working for the cleaners is a really hot job but I had done it before and I can handle it. It is just hard coming in and working for someone new and there is different equipment, but essentially the same. I just have to learn how they do it. As always though, it is the quality, not the quantity that keeps the customers coming back. I totally agree and not just because I am slow. I am very picky and like to do a good job. I don't want anyone to not take their time if it were my shirt and I was having to pay to have it pressed. They want to look good and I want to do a good job. That is all there is to it.
Now, after coming home, I was pleasantly surprised that my husband had mopped, vacuumed, did the dishes and all of the laundry. He had even made the bed. I am so proud of him and glad he felt like getting up and taking care of all of those things so that my mother-in-law and I did not have to when we got home. To top it all off, he even cooked us supper. I am really blessed to have him and I cannot express how proud I am of him and I am so lucky to be his wife. I love that man with all my heart and I like I always say, he is my FOREVER. Well, I've to go back at it again tomorrow morning, so I have to get some sleep. MAYBE. If I can get him to sleep tonight. This not sleeping is driving me crazy. But, that is another story. LOL Good night everyone & God bless.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Life is hard. I know, I know it is hard on everyone. Well, I know everyone takes it differently and everyone has a different goal or purpose of being here. I really think I know what my purpose is and there are some who do not know, but sometimes it is just hard to stay focused on that goal and to keep going. There are days of depression and days of just don't want to. I think I am having one of those days.
I am just so run down and do not know what to do. It just keeps nagging at me that there is really nothing I can do. I want to be excited about a possible job tomorrow morning. I really hope I get this job, but really think I want a merchandising job. Who knows, maybe I don't know what I want. I know I am damn good at pressing shirts and have experience and can just get to work and not have to waste a lot of time of training on the equipment. I know I can do it. Instead, I just want to be able to find a position in merchandising that will suit me. I know that there is one out there. I just have to keep going until it comes along. I have to be positive. I always tell my husband that things happen for a reason.
And usually he just looks at me like I'm crazy and then usually, things do happen that work out in the end. How crazy is that? I am usually the positive one. It just so happens that when I am down, he then becomes the one that is positive that keeps me going and I love him for that.
Now, the words written above were typed on the way to church this morning and a lot has happened since this morning. Man, has it. Our preacher led a sermon this Valentine's Day that was spot on to my life. I am so amazed that he was preaching and talking about everything, and I do mean everything, that is happening in my life right now. It was so amazing and I gasped once during the sermon and my husband had to keep me in my seat. I am telling you that he had my life nailed!! I am still in shock. I won't go into all of it, but let me tell you that it opened my eyes a bit more and put a little more on the fire that is burning in me and under me to keep going. So you see, life is hard. Let's not make it harder by being down. Let's lift each other up and keep each other motivated and love one another.