Evicted before Christmas...

Well, once again we have been given bad news. So tired of bad news. We've (my son & I) been having to live away from my husband because of probation rules, so now we will be reunited but by being evicted. The worst part is it is right before Christmas. It's so disappointing for my son. He just put up our tree and finished decorating it when our landlord knocked on the door giving us the bad news. But, God has a plan and I have to have faith it will work out. I am leaving Brookesmith today for Abilene, but have chosen to let my son stay longer, at least until Christmas break to keep working on getting his grades up and saying goodbye to his friends. He will be staying with friends and hope he can get his grades back up. He is almost there now and don't want to make it worse. He is a good kid  and is so smart. I love that boy with all my heart and his dad. I love Tommy's other 3 kiddos too even though two of them hate me. Everyone keeps saying they will come around and I pray that's true. 

Well, me and the dog are waiting on our ride. I can't wait to see my husband. At least I get to take my dog. Freckles is my baby. Cody gets to keep his dog with him, Sister. I just hope we can find our cat since she was lost last night. Jones is our cat but I don't know where she's at. The boys were too rowdy moving her and she took off. I hope Cody can find her. 

This just sucks right here at Christmas time. I know the Lord is with us and I have faith it will be alright. That's all for now. More later. God bless.

Well, we start off with bad news, Smoke died. She was just too young and a stray, so there wasn't much I could do. So, I had to bury my son's cat. He really loved her. But, things happen for a reason.  We never know. Only God knows.

Now Jones is doing rather well. She is helping me write this post now. I had to let Freckles and Sister out, they were disruptive. Lol.

My dogs and cat are part of my family and they are like my children. My babies are loved. And spoiled. They are the sweetest creatures.

I don't know if I could have made it through my recovery with my Freckles.

Well, here goes another episode in our saga.  Man, we are trying to catch a break and really really doing good, but things just cannot fall into place yet.  God has something planned for us and we just have to trust him.  We have tried 3 transmissions in the truck and none worked, so now we have put it aside and now have a car that we are working on.  I really want to get back to work even though I lost my job due to the no car thing and now I am looking for a new one but it cannot happen until we get wheels under us.  I know God has his timing and I trust Him.  Now my husband on the other hand tries to rush things and wants to hurry and get tires and etc for the car.  We will do this as soon as we can.  I know.  I love that man with all my heart and I hope he knows it.  This stress is tearing him up and he sometimes doesn't feel like a man and it angers him.  I try to reassure him but mess it all up sometimes.  It is hard for me too and he sometimes doesn't see that.  I need him and pray that his court date gets put off once again so we can get money saved up to pay more on his probation and on his bonds.  I am hoping for a miracle and need prayers.  God is with us and we will get through this.

We have two new faces in the family.  We have two new cats and they are the coolest.  I am not a real fan of them, but they chase mice and I am OK with that.  Tommy loves cats and I love him, so that is all.

Smoke

Jones

     I love my family more than anything and I am so proud of my husband and my children.  I am a proud wife and momma.  I pray for our family and what is going on around us and to keep everyone safe and happy.  Here is a pic of our youngest from last week:

So proud of my 14 year old!!

Things have gotten a little better since we are in recovery and will be working on this for the rest of our life.  We know we can do this and together we can beat it.

We are trying to be independent and don't like being dependent on other people to get a ride to town or to our appointments.  We thank God for the families around us and our friends and neighbors for their help.  Without them, we might still be lost and not be able to get back.  We want to thank everyone who has helped us along the way, family and friends.  (You know who you are).  God bless you all.

Ya can't keep us down. We will rise. And with all the setbacks, we have even more determination. Each time we get knocked down is a new way to prove how strong we are...

Anyways, I am Blogging today instead of doing my late homework. It'll all get done today. I'm gonna hip on it right after taking care of my sick kid, the laundry, the dishes, cleaning up the yard (again) & etc.

I wish I had more help. I'm really tired of the laziness. It seems like I'm the only one who cares. My husband doesn't get to stay home all the time since some idiot, yes we know who you are, keeps turning him in. We have to suffer apart a lot due to their stupidity. But, enough on that. Back to what I was saying. My husband would help if he didn't work all the time or can't be here. My son tries to help when he's not going to school or football. Our middle son who is 18, doesn't do much AT ALL. We are getting a little tired of his overall not do a damn thing.  He needs to wake up. He's gotta at least try.

With that being said, he's also gotta get that giant chip off his shoulder and quit getting butthurt at everything we say. And I do mean everything. When we try to teach him or even advise him, he gets defensive and there is no talking to him whatsoever. He immediately goes to his room, get on his phone and calls or texts someone he can cry to to tell them how bad we mistreat him. Poor Baby!!  It's tough being an adult. Ya ought to be in mine and your Daddy's shoes. Then you might see what it is like.

Don't get me wrong, we love all our kids and want what's best for them. We just aren't going to just give it to them.  They need to understand the value of themselves and to apply themselves.  It's only right.

We can't let them think life is easy. It's not all fun and games either. We pray for all of our families and hold them dear to our hearts and we want to see the best for them.

God bless.

Nervous

I'm sitting here waiting on my husband. He is at his Probation officer appointment and I am a little nervous since some dummy called in on him and told a bunch of half-truths and now he is in hot water. While we are trying to get our lives back together, someone tries to ruin it. I'm getting very tired of this person. Yes, we know who you are. So, we don't need your drama. We have heard all of the stories and we are sick and tired of your  Tommy is pissed. So, hopefully things go well, still praying. God bless.

Life is just hard...

There is no good way around it, life is hard and just gets harder.  All is well and good when we are kids and don't know it yet.  I hate it that we don't realize it.  Now granted my childhood was not perfect, but I know I had it better than some or most.  My grandparents raised me and took me from an abusive home and tried to make a better life for me and my brother.  They loved us enough to step up and take care of business.  I have learned many valuable lessons from my grandparents and really know that I am blessed because of it.


My kids know right from wrong and they know that hard work will get you somewhere, but things just fell apart.  We have so many things going wrong, but trying to go right it is not funny.  We are trying to get our lives back but things just aren't working according to "my" plan evidently.  I thought I was trying to follow "God's" plan for us.  I am not sure what to do.  Right now I know we are not supposed to take a U-turn and go back to what road we were on.  I know our road is long, but we have to keep going. Please pray for us to keep going on our road to recovery.


There are several things that need to be said or done. I know I'm not perfect, but we need a break. I am praying and asking the Lord for help. All I need to do is keep being positive and praying. I love my family and I will do just about anything to keep them. I promise that I love God and I love my family.

God bless.

Back to college I go...

Well, I have gone and done it. I am now attending college. I will be 41 years old tomorrow and now I will begin this new chapter on July 3rd online at Colorado Technical College. Thanks to my husband's nudging and support, I just picked one and got accepted and here we go. Almost done with the financial paperwork and will begin my fast tracks tomorrow to save me $1300 a class if I can pass them all. I'm going to do the best I can and continue to apply for grants & scholarships. I'm determined to complete and graduate. I will and thanks to Tommy and Cody for encouraging me and keeping me going. Love them. Thanks to Stephen too, who by the way flies out to Job Corps tomorrow to Montana and will begin his college education. We are so proud and we could not be happier for him. I still want to stow away in his suitcase and go to Montana too. Lol. Maybe we will get to go up there for his graduation. The Lord is blessing us. Thank you Jesus.

Ya know, lots of things go unsaid. Sometimes it is a waste of breath to even say anything. Sometimes, it's worth it to get what is needed. Now, who has time to analyze anymore. I am slipping away from that and really want to get back to conversations. It makes it more difficult these days to even discuss anything. Besides not feeling that I have enough time to get my point across, to getting interrupted, I am just too damn tired to even discuss, let alone, let MY feelings be known. So what do I do?  I guess I just keep praying that things will get better. I have been very patient. 

Get A Grant And Stop Spending Money On Groceries

Looking for Lovely | Read an Excerpt a Playlist!

I am going to read this excerpt. Love the cover.  Wanted to share because I'm excited and hungry for God.

Looking for Lovely | Read an Excerpt a Playlist!: We’re so excited about the new Looking for Lovely Bible study by Annie F. Downs! You may have seen and even read the book by the same name. The Bible study dives deeper into the biblical resp…

Trying all things legal to make $...

I'm trying everything I know to make some legit money.  I really like my job at Driveline but also like to do surveys and etc.  I found this site Surveys4moms and really like it. Here is my link for more information:

http://www.surveys4moms.com/e/s.aspx?fid=16627602

I think it's cool to be able to make money from home this way. I am a member of several sites and will continue to sign up for more. I just have to keep trying and things will happen.  You never know, things happen for a reason. Gotta love free.

God bless y'all.

Help with phone bill or Wi-Fi bill

Here is a little information that was from Matthew Lesko that I found. If it can save you money, it is worth it. The YouTube video says it is a $120 grant from the government to pay for wi-fi at home.

Seems like it may be worth a little effort.
God bless.

http://www.lifelinesupport.org/ls/

New motto

Tommy is home...

Well, the old man is now home.  It has been a struggle and will keep being that way, but one of the hard parts is over.  Thank you Jesus.  We just gotta keep livin'.  I know we are going to mess up from time to time, but we are never going to go back to where we were.  My son will not have to experience that again. Right now with all the rain, it is stressful enough to keep his asthma under control.  Him and Mamaw are having a rough time.  These fronts keep coming through, he cannot breathe, Tommy is not feeling good, he is scared the bone infection is coming back and I have a migraine everyday.  It's like the movie Groundhog Day.  We wake up, and it starts all over with the same things happening, everyday.  I am just glad that the Lord allowed me to get something done to get my husband out.  I only had to ask for a co-signer and not have to ask anyone for money.  I was so proud of myself.  Cody and I have been trying so hard to get that money together to get him out of jail and keep him out.  We are trying to get his probation caught up and do his community service and all that needs to be done for that.  I have taken it upon myself to kick his ass and get this shit done.  The bonds people and I are getting acquainted and we are going to stay on track this time.

Those two make me happy.  I know I complain about them joking around all the time, but I know I'm too serious all of the time.  They keep it even I guess.  Or I guess we could call it balance.  LOL

It has been a really good week with Tommy home.  We have been talking and trying to plan our future.  Now we have not really fought at all.  It has been kinda nice.  We are just not as moody as we were.  Our recovery is different and ongoing.  There is no way to sugar-coat it, it is going to be hell.  But, God will get us through.  I am still going to pray and keep my "War Room" and we are going to all be in there I guess.   A praying family.  That is what we need. 

Still have a lot to do and a lot on my list.  I have to get doctor appointments made for them and talk with my new boss again.  I started yesterday in an all of sudden way.  They called and I said I could make it.  If all goes well, I will get all the stores they service in Brady.  Love it.  I had fun and just really like it.  I am happy about my pay too.  It is a dollar and a half more than what I was going to make at United and United was going to start me out at a dollar and thirty-five cents more than they usually start someone out at.  So, I am making almost three dollars more than what I could have started out at. LOL.  I am super excited.  I really want to do a good job and the rep that was training me yesterday said I did above and beyond a good job on all of my work.  I am proud of myself.  

Well, I need to go to town and get things done.  Hope you all have a good day.  God bless.

Family, or is it? I don't know anymore...l

I really love my family.  My sons and our daughter and my husband and  our granddaughter.  Now we have some additions, lots of them, due to who we are living with.  They have treated us just like family.  Tracy and I seem like sisters since we are alike in a lot of ways and we have the same ideas, granted, not all of the time.  But, we think alike in most aspects.  

Now don't get me wrong, we are not perfect.  LOL.  But, we are trying to get by and help each other out, like family is supposed to do.  I am trying to do what I can to help out and they are doing what they can.  I appreciate them letting us stay here and I'm not just saying that because she might be reading it.  They did not have to take in a middle-aged woman with a bottom-less pit of a 13 year old and all our drama.  My husband being in jail is the least of the problems due to other baggage and issues.  

I just love my family so much.  And I want what is best for them.  That includes if we have to sacrifice something.  Right now I am having to live without the love of my life and I can't wait for him to come home.  I need to see and feel him everyday.  My son needs him here everyday.  I am lost without him. I pray we can bring him home soon.

My family is my life and it is hard for me to be without all of them.  Cody understands when I become a sobbing mess and tries to help me.  Freckles mostly takes over and licks my face.  He has helped me so much too.  They know that I don't want to break, but when I do, it is bad.  I have had a migraine for two days and I have been praying and praying my husband will get out soon.  The devil is trying to get inside my head and make me think awful thoughts and I am trying to resist.  I pray I can do this.  Please Lord keep those people away and don't let my husband contact them again.  Those people are no good and I don't want to see her or anyone of their kind around him or my sons ever again.  They are not wanted here.  She can leave and never come back and I will be happy.  It will not be the case though.  I have been trying for 15 years and they always come back because they always want MY husband to take care of them.  They need to stay away.  HE IS MY HUSBAND. I think they need to learn how to take care of themselves or find someone who can.  I am done.  My husband loves me and I love him.  Why can't they just leave us alone?

I am so tired and weary.  I sit here looking through old pics and think of my boys.  They love their dad and hopefully will see him soon.  I am so tired of crying.  God bless you all.

War...

Well, I'm at war with myself.  My husband does not believe me that I am behaving myself in my recovery.  I have not touched a bit since BEFORE he went to jail.  I know better.  Now I am not telling everyone this just to hear myself talk.  I am pissed now though.  I cannot get him out of jail and so he is angry with me.  So what the hell do I do?  Why does he have to take it out on me?

I am now at war with everyone but Tommy and Cody.  Cody is my rock.  Why should I trust anyone else?  Especially when no one trusts me.  I have given up a lot and wanted to change my life when I met my husband.  I accepted his two boys and his girl as my own.  But, they all called another mom and even made a point to call even another mom.  They have tried and tried to make me mad and threw it in my face that I am not their mother.  Now these women have only tried to break my husband and I up and have only tried to cause me heartache.  I dislike people like that and I have forgiven them, but I still dislike the fact that Tommy and I have been together for almost 15 years and one of them just cannot let him go.  She is so unhappy with her life that she will do a lot to make everyone else miserable.  I am not threatened by her, just tired of dealing with her.  I do not feel the need for her in mine or my husband's life and she needs to realize that and get the hell away from all of us.  She is not welcome around my home.

This is all about to come to an end.  I will not put up with people meddling with my family.  Now, when Tommy gets out, there are a lot of changes he has to deal with.  And there will be some other changes that we discussed.  There is going to be no contact, what so ever, with numerous people.  We will have new phone numbers and be "off the grid" to most people.  And I mean most.  He has said so hisself and I am taking that and running with it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON MY HUSBAND!!  That is what everyone is waiting for.  Well, the wait is over.  Go away.  I will not give up on him, so you can leave now and save yourselves the trouble for when he gets out.  There is no need for you to contact me or him, or even come by.  Thanks.

I am not making anyone the enemy.  They make themselves that when they lie to me or my son or even try to use us.  I have not tried to use anyone.  It may seem like it, but I have always made a point to not use anyone, even when other people do it to support their habit.

There are a lot of people out there that are nice to your face, some days.  But, there are even more fakes, users, manipulators and etc. out there.  I do not plan on being one of them.  We deal with them everyday.  We just need to know when to spot them.

I love my family and want what is best for them even if I AM THE BAD GUY/GAL.  That is all I have ever done and I pay the price.  They can all go around spewing lies and making themselves look good.  Ya know, they need to take a step back and check themselves again.  That magic mirror is wrong.  That things lies to us like we lie to ourselves.  We just have to know the difference and MAKE A DIFFERENCE in our lives or someone elses.

Thanks for listening.  God bless.

Patience...

I am really in need of some patience.  I am sitting here singing the Guns 'N Roses song. "Just a little patience, yeah yeah"  I guess it kind of calms me down.  It just gets me to singing that song anyways. Right now I don't have much patience left.  I am trying not to lose my temper and not get mad over every little thing.  It is hard for me not to say some things and hard for me to ask for help and point out the obvious.  I really really appreciate the help I have been receiving and want so much to be able to pay them back and not have that hanging over my head each day.  

Tommy tells me not to worry too much about it, but I really do worry about and I hate to even hint or ask for help.  Now I have gone and asked all of my family for help. Now no one is jumping up to help.  I cannot even get a response from my messages, either voice or text or even Facebook messaging. Am I that bad?  Have I burned my bridges?  I did not think that I have been asking too much of them.  My aunt has helped me a few times the last two weeks since I have had technical issues with my PayPal.  Thanks to her, I could get a few sales calls done and make a few bucks.  I really, really need help to make this work since I think we are down to the last leg of this journey.

I am really excited that I got an offer from United Supermarkets.  I really wanted the job and had my second interview yesterday.  It will be paying more per hour starting out since I have experience.  I got another call today and got a job offer from Driveline and I think I'm gonna take it.  It pays $2.00 an hour more than the United job's starting pay.  But, I really would rather do the merchandising job and really would like the freedom and the flexibility and even more money an hour.  I am super excited and thank God for this.  I am trying to get my life together and really want this opportunity.  The Lord had been with me and my family and now is the test and more and more positive things are going to happen.  I just need to keep on track and keep going.  I'm so proud and cannot wait to tell Tommy about it and since I cannot talk to him right now, I can tell him when I go see him in the morning.  I am super excited and can't wait until we leave to go see him.  Man, I guess I need to get some sleep so I can get up and get ready in the morning.

Good night and God bless!!!

Family...

   There are times when the world just tries to keep you down. We all know the devil has his hand in trying to make sure you don't succeed. Now, he has been working overtime on my family lately it seems. But I gotta say, we are doing our best to fend him off. We are getting stronger each day and can fend off his attacks. God is with us and we are so much better for it.  

   I don't see any reason why we have to be put this everyday, but I am feeling a little ragged lately.  This is really wearing me down and I am leaning hard on my sons.  They have been so awesome to help me.  This is making it more and more painful for me.  I am succeeding in staying straight.  I am in full recovery and will not go back.  There is no way.  I promised my sons and my husband and myself.  Tommy has also promised to stay on the right path.  

   Now things are trying to come crashing down.  A friend is in the hospital with 4 broke ribs, a broken collarbone and a collapsed lung and I am praying he gets well soon and I am still calling on God and leaning on Him.  He will always be there for me and my family.  I will always have Him.

    My husband is acting like a jerk today since I can't get more information about his case.  It hurts me everytime he gets upset and yells.  He's not mad at me, but I hate to hear him yell and get angry.  I keep trying to calm him down and keep his spirits up.  I can only do so much.  I love Tommy with all my heart.  I need him now more than ever.  I will be with him forever.  That means something to both of us.  We are one and will be that way and have God on our side.  

    I got some stuff to take care of, so I gotta get that done and pray some more on this.  God bless you all.

Russchelle

My dog Freckles

Freckles is just a miracle.  His mom had 10 pups total.  There were solid brown, solid black and only two speckled or freckled.  There was Freckles who is red, brown, tan and white and there is Toby who is black, silver and white.  Out of the 10 pups, only 3 survived.  Freckles is one and the other two barley made it from what I understand.  I took Freckles early to help the mom out since she had 10 and Freckles really never stayed up by the others anyways.  He was very loud and it bothered the owner of the mom.  The mom was a chocolate lab and the dad was a blue pit.  Pictured below is the dad, our blue pit, Blue.  Miss that boy everyday.  He was my husband's dog and he was the best.  Now, the mother of the pups, Pebbles is deceased too.  She died a week after I took Freckles.  Come to find out, she had been sick and I guess she passed through her milk to the other pups and 7 of them died.  Now like I said, I took Freckles early because he was different and that the owner of the mom didn't like him being so loud and staying off alone.  Thank God I took him is why he is healthy and alive today.  He is my baby.  He is huge now and will be two on July 4th.  But, I wouldn't take for him.  

I love my little Freckles.  He is the best dog I have ever had.  During my recovery and while Tommy is incarcerated.  This dog is my therapy.  He listens to me, lets me cry and tries to make it better, he is just an all around help.  Cody and Freckles get along most days.  They play a lot and fight a lot.  But, in any case I know I got a good, smart dog and at least he loves my husband or one of them would have to go.  And I guess I would have to find a good home for my husband to go to.  Ha Ha.  Just kidding.  They would have to suck it up and go on.  I would not give up my husband, my son or my dogs.  I love them all and my other sons and my daughter.  I love my family and it is us against the world.

Above is pictures of  Freckles enjoying the fan.  He is such a ham.  He loves to lay in front of the air conditioner and the fan.  He really cracks me up.  I love that boy.  He may be a Daddy soon.  More on that later.  God bless.  

Photography...

      My son and his photos are too cool.  He has an eye for certain situations and just loves to set some scenes up.  He just has a knack of finding the right snapshot most days.  He loves to play with the filters on all of the phone camera and apps.  Now that he has a new phone and it has so many to choose from he is ecstatic.  He can do thermal imaging and stencil and even kaleidoscope.  He just loves it.  These photos here today a few he took on his Windows Lumina phone that I just love.  I will try to include some from the new phone and even a few of mine that we took.  I really want to get him a camera.  I really would like for him to experience the way it feels to look through the lens and imagine the shot.  I want to get him a Canon.  I love the Canon Eos Rebel.  I used one for years when I was on the Yearbook Staff in high school and just cannot image using another.  I used one when my step-mother-in-law had a vintage western photography business.  Man, we had thousands of photos of the horses, sunsets and just old barns and stuff.  Maybe that is where Cody got the yearning for photography from.  I used to just take him riding in the pasture and snap photos.  He was a ham back then.  Now he still is, but mostly selfies.  LOL

    I just think it is cool that my son loves to take photos just like me  I really love to catch people, animals and even the scenery.  My favorite thing right now is heart-shaped things in nature.  Our preacher talked about it one Sunday and it makes me think like him.  God loves us and that is one of the many ways he reminds us of his love.  I love to see heart-shaped cactus, leaves or anything in nature.  I have mostly pics of those and Cody had mostly sunsets and horizons.  But, anyways I love to see what he comes up with each time.  He is my little boy even though he is not so little.  When we went to visit his Dad in jail, Tommy said it looked like he grew a foot.  He is getting so big and I just love him so much and that is why MY recovery is so important.  I know that Tommy is being put through his recovery/detox by being in jail, but my son is helping me with mine.  He knows what is going on because I tell him everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  That boy knows who is fake and who is real because I am teaching him.  Talk about the "School of Hard Knocks".  Cody knows how to read people and can spot a fake.  He knows who is trying to use who and can keep them at arms length.  

     Now I know that he is only 13, but he can be very sneaky and fool a lot and I mean a lot of people into thinking he is just a big old dummy.  That boy is smart.  He knows how to play the part to be a clown and to secretly be gathering info to see if he needs later.  He is not a malicious person, but he could be if crossed too many times.  Right now there is someone he will not talk to due to the treatment he received.  Now they are still trying to buy him off with certain items and he just doesn't want them.  So, if it is edible, I eat it or give it away.  If it's usable, I keep it and use it or give it to someone who needs it.  I don't sell it.  I need money, but if I have something someone needs, I will just give it to them because I have been there.  Heck, I'm still there and can only go up from here.  Well, will try and post more later.  Blogger keeps deleting my drafts so I have to rewrite them at least twice so it takes me longer to publish a blog.  Have a good Saturday.  We have to get up early and get ready.  We are going to see Tommy in the morning and I am super excited.  God bless.

Keep smiling and looking upward and it will all work out.

A selfie...

I normally hate pics of me.

Life is a funny thing...

Ya know, life really is a funny thing.  For almost 15 years I have been focused on my husband and kids and still am, don't get me wrong.  I have been told that I care too much, that I smother them and that I need to let them do things on their own and I am controlling.  I will not apologize for caring.  Now, you don't care when you just stick your nose in and try to make sure they do what you want them to do and not care what the outcome is when they don't.  I follow through and accept the outcome, whatever it is.  Now I'm not saying that it has not been a struggle, but it has not been as bad as most.  I know I am truly blessed to have my family and will always be grateful.  There are a lot of people out there that feel since they are not happy and that they did not get the life they deserve due to abuse or hardship that no one else should have it too.  Well, ya got another thing coming.  People, you don't expect it.  You need to be content with what you have and make the most of it to be happy.  You are a good person, no matter what you have done.  We are created in God's image.  And I have never seen any evil in that.  You have got think that there are a lot of people out there that just give up because maybe they don't think they are worthy of forgiveness or even think they can turn their lives around.  No, they are just lazy or misinformed.  There is always a solution.  It may not be the one that they want, but there is always a way to FIX things.  Broken or unbroken.  Now, I do not know it all, but I do know that I love having my family and what friends we have left due to recover/rehab issues.  You really need to stop and think:  What has God given me that I have put away and not looked at or used in a while?  Well, it may be your conscience, your pride, your boldness, your sense of humor or whatever you had or thought you had or even thought you might have.  You never know.  Stop and think and let contentment or even adventure unfold and see where it takes you.  Right now I am sewing up a friends pants and looking through my sewing box.  I have found a dozen or more of projects I put away to sew up later.  I am breaking it out and granted, I will not do them all today, but it makes me think, what have I put away that I have forgotten about?  Now I am not talking about all of the physical things either.  Someone out there is struggling with drugs, abuse, neglect, and numerous other things out there.  Let God restore all of your gifts.  It will not happen overnight, but it will happen if you stay positive and keep your eyes on God.  He knows what is best for you.  Thanks for listening.  I am full of contentment and joy even though Tommy is incarcerated and my face prison/rehab.  I am happy he is and will get the help he needs and I am in recovery myself and we talk about it over the phone.  He knows and he accepts.  We pray together and pray for each other.  I love him and he loves us.  We will get through this and keep going.  There isn't any other way for us.

God Bless Y'all!!!

whine, whine, whine...

Evidently I can only whine about not being able to talk to Tommy.  But, all my son can do is whine about his new phone.  But, at least he has not been on it as much since we moved.  He's got a plan with data and can get on the internet at anytime and all that.  Just we have horrible service.  Oh well, we had that at the other place as well.  Anyways, still waiting for my old man to call.  I just wish he was made aware of when someone puts money on their account for the phones.  That would just seem logical to me.  From what the jailers tell me, he only gets a receipt for when someone puts money on his books.  It is all done by the same company anyway, but I guess I am asking too much.

Well, I got to talk to Tommy finally. Thanks to Angela. I guess I will never understand her. Tommy tries to help me, but can't do it either. I am also not like that. I really care about people and want to help them. I don't want recognition. I just truly like to make people happy. 

Things are getting better...

I know this because I am willing to go the extra mile to make sure it happens. I love my family and I have only wanted the best, but as they say, "shit happens". I know I gripe about my family issues, but I am sure that rehab is not the answer for me since I have been clean and sober for months. I do not need meth nor any other drugs. Beer does not even taste as good as it did. I know that Tommy was ordered to go to rehabilitation, but he may or may not need it. I just need him to understand that now we have a leg to stand on since one of the qualifications for disability is being addicted to a drug, etc. Now, I know there is more to it, but I'm willing to research it and get this done too. I know that I take on too much but really want to help and not hurt. Tommy will be out soon and we will be happy. God bless, more later. Good night, sleep well.

Things will start to get better soon...

I know this because I am willing to go the extra mile to make sure it happens. I love my family and I have only wanted the best, but as they say, "shit happens". I know I gripe about my family issues, but I am sure that rehab is not the answer for me since I have been clean and sober for months. I do not need meth nor any other drugs. Beer does not even taste as good as it did. I know that Tommy was ordered to go to rehabilitation, but he may or may not need it. I just need him to understand that now we have a leg to stand on since one of the qualifications for disability is being addicted to a drug, etc. Now, I know there is more to it, but I'm willing to research it and get this done too. I know that I take on too much but really want to help and not hurt.

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Updated: New information about free eye exams and eyeglasses

Ok, here is an update on some new information I got and I have already submitted my name and etc. to them to contact me regarding this since my son now needs an exam and may need glasses.

So, here goes:  You can find more info on the www.new-eyes.org website.
The school counselor called and gave me some info on who to contact:

She told me to call Vision USA, but instead I Googled www.aoafoundation.org/vision-usa them and found out that I do not qualify since I have Medicaid, but there may be someone out there who needs to contact them, so just Google Vision USA and you will see if you qualify.

When you look up the new-eyes website, it will also bring up the other and about 5 other sites that can help: Commission For The Blind, Lions Clubs, Vision USA, Sight for Students and EyeCare America.  The glasses will come from the retailer www.MarvelOpitics.com.  Individuals cannot apply for themselves. The online application is only accessible to social service agencies who apply on their clients behalf.  Eligibility requirements are:

New Eyes purchases new prescription eyeglasses for low-income individuals in the U.S. through a voucher program. To be eligible for our program, applicants must:

• Meet the U.S. Poverty guidelines.
• Have had a recent eye exam. New Eyes does not pay for eye exams. Contact Us if you need assistance in locating a source of free or low-cost eye exams
• Have no other resources available to them to pay for glasses, including federal or state programs or assistance from local charitable organizations.

A New Eyes voucher typically covers only the cost of a basic pair of single or lined bifocal eyeglasses.

Happy hunting everyone...

Alright, now I have said my worst, who's next?

There has got to be a point where it just stops.  Now, I have told everyone over and over and over what is going on.  Let me just do it ONE more time so that there is no confusion (you know who you are):  Okay, Tommy has been on probation for a while now, but has not been going or paying due to his maturity and that he just didn't want to.  I have been the grown-up and either paid on it when I could or just called to do his check-ins with his Probation Officer and with all of his Bail bonds people.  Now, I can only do so much when I have no money or when we run out of luck when they revoke his probation and when he decides to leave the treatment facility even though they say he can.  Since it is court ordered, it really doesn't matter what we want, he still has to do the 9 months + so that the state will be satisfied.  Well, screw that now.  Since he walked out, there is that new charge, plus the revoking of the probation and etc.  So, he has had a warrant out for him for a few months.  The first time he got caught, he told everyone he would take care of it.  Well, he lied.  He did nothing and I tried to cover and do what I could since he has the final say.  Now, his luck ran out again and it was a simple traffic stop that put him in jail again.  There is no new charge, just the motion to revoke and the leaving of the treatment facility.  So, everyone still with me?  Ok, if you are lost, too bad.  This is the same shit over and over.  Now, if you know what is going on, good.  I will continue and say that I am working very hard to get something together and saving to get him out.  Now I know it may be a waste of money if I get him out before his indictment, but I may not get the money together before then.  But, all of the time he is in there right now will count toward that when they do indict him.  So, either way, he has to wait.  I cannot gather all the money to bail him out yet and will be patient.  He is being patient and will have to be.  I love that man with all my heart and will continue to do for him.  Now if anyone would like to help, you can comment on here or send me a message on my Google + page or find me on Facebook.  Russchelle McNutt Foster.  Now, I am not expecting anyone to help, but it never hurts to ask, right?  I am just venting and telling me story.  It is after all still a free country.  LOL  Well, will have more later.  God bless you all and good night.

Life is hard for a lot of people...

I seem to be whining a lot lately. I am not giving up.  I am just so tired of all of the people that think they know what is going on.  Now when I tell you what is going on, that is what is actually happening. Don't try to judge us and put what you thought was going on into the mix.  Because that only going to piss me off more.  I am doing my damnest to keep what I have and keep going to take care of my son and do what my husband wishes while he is incarcerated.  Now you people that are sticking your nose in and profiling can just go away.  I am not going to stoop to your level and answer your stupid questions.  I will not text you back if you ask me anymore dumb questions which you should know the answer to.  I HAVE NOT been using and AM NOT using methamphetamines right now.  So, if you think you know what is going on in my life, YOU DON'T!!!!!  

So, that is what is happening today folks.  If you want to know something, yes, ask me, but I have already been over this with you and already told everyone the same shit over and over and over.  I am just so tired of the bullshit and having to repeat myself.  Tommy is not having a fun time in jail and I am doing my damnest to raise money BY MYSELF AND GET ANOTHER JOB.  I will not ask for help except to put money on Tommy's phone or on our phones so we can communicate.  Right now he has money on his books and we have a place to stay and money on our phones for a couple of weeks.  If anyone wants to help, they can put money on the phone for him or I am taking a collection to pay the bail-bond person, whoever I choose, to bond him out.  

Now, if that is just too much,  I guess we will be cutting our ties to a lot more people than we thought.  Tommy and I already have cut a lot of ties to people who we thought were our friends.  I now have only 3 friends in my life that are Tommy's and that are doing what they can for me.  Also, I have one of his cousins and one of his siblings that are willing to help.  Now, I have no family at the moment.  My family and I are not communicating due to this also.  They are hypocrites just like Tommy's family.  They want you to do what they think is right and they do not see that they are also doing what we have been doing.  They are also drug addicts, alcoholics and etc. just like us, but are not willing to admit it.  I am getting really tired of all of the hypocrites that think they will not be found out.  Now listen, it is not my job to tell anyone.  I am sitting back and letting everyone know my story so that they can know that there is someone else out there that has been through it.  I am not trying to get sympathy in any way, I am just trying to tell my side of the story.  My son knows about this and he is OK with it.  I am just trying to make sure MY VOICE is being heard too.

Thanks for listening...

God Bless, I have to do what my husband and I discussed:  I am taking it to the WAR ROOM and I am going into battle.

Good Night!!!

Trying to get things together...

As I sit here writing this, I am thinking of how this could be easier, but it's not.  I know I have made some mistakes, but I keep going.  My old ass is trying to get going today without help as usual. But this is the norm for me.  I used to save it all for my husband when we had help to get up.  I did not do as much as him because I knew he would need it the most.  I always made sure he would be able to get up for certain days and not have to suffer.  That day feels like one of these.  Granted, he knew that I was helping him somehow.  It is hard to hide it from your partner/spouse. He would always get mad and I would just tell him it is ok.  It is my job to make sure he is doing better. Now that he is in jail, I am still feeling that way, even though we are not using.   I just know I miss him and everyday is going to be hard without him here.  As of right now, it will be at least a month before his court date and I cannot afford to get him out of jail.  I am stuck here in a spot and cannot do much.  I am going to get my ID today and take my son to the doctor to get more asthma medication for him and a physical because he wants to do track.  I really want him to do good so we can tell his dad the next time we see him.  I have to get my ID so I can take my son to see him.  They won't let him see his dad unless he is escorted by someone with a valid ID.  I will do whatever it takes to let my son see his Dad and I really want to see him.  I am so angry at him for allowing this to happen.  This is what we fought over and over and over about. But I still love him with all my heart and soul. I wanted to get things taken care of and he would always think I wanted him to go to jail.  That was not it.  I would have taken the charges, ALL OF THEM, if it meant that he would be out.  I would have done the time if he would have let me.  But there was no argument.  He told the officer that the stuff was his and I did my time for what I had and now we are here.  The only thing is, what I had was not state jail felony at the time.  It is now, but I was lucky and served my time in jail and was time served.  Now I guess I was lucky and I know that my husband holds that against me, but I need to be here for our son just like he does and the is another thing we fought about.  I was done with it, I don't know how, but I could put it down.  Tommy would get so mad at me and make rude comments about it and make me feel bad.  I was going to church and feeling better while he was wallowing in his self pity.  Now he sees what can really happen but still cannot give it up.  I really want him to come out of jail and want to start a new life like me.  I really want my family back and will do what it takes to make it happen.  I really need prayer and will continue to pray for my husband and my family to keep going.  Thanks to all of you who read this for letting me rant and tell my story.

God bless you.

It's difficult these days...

I may be whining, but these are hard times.  It is hard for anyone to be a parent, a spouse or anyone who cares.  I am so unprepared for all of this.  What can I do?  I am really so tired of everyone telling me what to do and me not having a choice of what i want.  I am doing what my husband tells me to do and a lot of people have a problem with that.

I am so unhappy that my husband is in jail, but we knew this was going to happen.  We both knew that sooner or later he would get caught by the warrants.  Now we are both glad that is sooner, I think. Either way, there is no way I can do much about it.  I want to try and round up some money to get him out, but he will have to go back when he serves time, so what do I do?  I guess it all counts toward it, I don't know.  I do not have enough money to get him out of jail at the moment, but can put down a down payment. I am trying to get a job close to out new residence so I don't have to travel.  My son has kids his age he can hang out with and seems to be having a more fun time, especially socially.  I just have all of the people sticking there nose in my business and I don't like it.  Right now I am so sick I can barely type this. My blood pressure is so high, I am about to pass out.  

I talked to my husband and he tells me to do what needs to be done.  I am.  He left it all up to me and that is what I plan to do.  I am fighting an uphill battle but with God on my side, we can win and keep going.

God bless!!  Have a wonderful rest of the week and I will be back soon.

Love the rain...

I just love the rain falling down. It is so wonderful. I just love when it smells good and I love to hear it on the roof. Even though we spent most of the rain fixing water leaks and doing some plumbing, it was still blissful. Now,  we just need to get busy. I am so tired of uncertainty. It just drives me crazy. I wish things will get better faster, but I know I have to be patient.

Can't win for losing

I just cannot win for losing. I get laid off from my job, then my husband gets a job, but things still aren't going right. This is stupid. I know life is hard. I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting. My husband flies off the handle for no reason and I'm just supposed to be OK with that. I'm so tired of trying to stand-up after getting knocked down, literally. My head hurts each time I get hit. I love my husband and my family. I'm just not able to do much more. I am broken. How can I heal myself and get better?

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Just can't do it...

It is so hard to be a good person.  I cannot believe how hard it is to be a good person.  When you are a drug addict, it is hard to get a fair shake.  I know that is no excuse but we are trying hard to get our lives back together.  I know that we cannot try hard enough to do what we need to do.   We work hard everyday to repair the damage that has been done to our lives due to the evil hold that illegal drugs has on you.  Now, I do not know if many of you understand, but it is an eye-opening experience.  

I love my husband and I love my life.  I just hope I can educate or help someone with what I am writing.  

Man, we worked our ass off today to help a good friend and is wife get some things done today.  Needless to say, we would have done that when we were on dope but, we really wanted to help them out and keep going and doing good.  I know we missed church this morning, but we could not help that.  We only have so much time before our friend has to go back to work, I will go back to work in the morning and his wife has so much homework since she is going back to school, it is not funny.

I too, am proud of us, even though I am writing this and I am about to pass out from exhaustion.  I got a sunburn and so did my husband.  But, sometimes we just have to do what we can and do what is right for other people. 

I am not saying that is what we do ALL of the time, BUT, we at least try.  I really want to be a better person and I will help everyone I can and do all I can to be that better person.  I love my family and want to be the best I can be.  I really hope one day that we can be proud of ourselves again.

Have a wonderful day tomorrow and have a blessed week.  I know I will.

God bless you all!!!

What gives?

OK. Trying and trying and trying to find a place to live and just trying to keep us afloat.  I just don't make enough to get us there and pray that we can get out there and stay there.  I just want a place for Cody to feel safe and get him organized and working hard and feeling good about himself. 

He feels safe where we are at and loves to be here and loves out here in the country, but just like his Daddy, he just wants a place to call his own.  I just want to be able to provide and try to keep us afloat.   I will be looking for another job to try and help supplement the one I have.  I am just so thankful for the one I have now.  I will just have to suck it up and work more.  

I have still been looking for another job, just haven't been telling anyone.  I am still on the hunt for the perfect job.  This one is good and like I said, I am very thankful.  It just isn't like the other cleaners that I worked at.  At least they kind of leave me alone.  Now some days, he just can't back off and let me be.  But, I guess most bosses are like that.  

Anyways, what gives man?  The harder we try, the harder it gets.  Our chances get slimmer and slimmer each time we try to get anything done or even try to get ahead.  That really drives me crazy.  We just cannot get things rolling because we get several set backs and just keeps setting us back each time. 

I just want to do the best I can and make sure my family is provided for and can be we can be together and happy.  I just want our son to proud of us no be embarrassed by us and want to hang out with us more.  I like hanging out with him and want to take him more places and be able to afford the other things that the other kids do, to a point.  I just want him to be able to experience the things that he needs to in his life.  I am so proud of him and want him to be proud of himself.  He is so awesome and I love that boy so much. 

Now, I am biased and I know it.  Just like all the mothers out there.  I love all my kids and wish them all the best and hope the devil will leave them alone and they can live for God and do the best they can.  I know they can.  Well, I have got to get back to my chores and get some things done.  Have a good weekend and a blessed Sunday!!

Free eye exams

As I sit here trying to find a dang eye doctor place that is open on a Saturday, I am getting more and more disappointed.  Does anyone not get glasses or contacts in Brownwood on Saturday?   Give me a break.  This is really the only time I wanted to do it.  I am really really wanting and needing a new pair of glasses or contacts.  Maybe it will make my headaches go away.  I hope so.  I will also include a link for all of us poor folks that need assistance with getting an exam and our glasses and etc.  It is:   http://www.allaboutvision.com/eye-exam/free-exam.htm  

There you will be able to find out some useful information and hopefully get yours or your spouses or your children some affordable exams or eye glasses.

I am still on the hunt here and will let you know or will post a pic.  Happy hunting for all.

I hope someone I know reads this...

Well, first of all I need to correct something that was in an earlier post.  I wrote something about not wanting to kill myself and I forgot a word.  I did not put don't and therefore it showed that I had wanted to commit suicide.  Now, I know that is NOT an option.  I will never do that.  I am teaching my son that suicide is not an option.  We have known several people who have done it and his father's best friend tried one night.  That is just something that we tell the boys that is unacceptable.  There are several teachings and I will talk about some and give examples in the bible.

Next, I also want to apologize to my mother-in-law.  I said some things that I did not mean and I am sorry.  I know you are reading this.  I was mad that day and wish I could take them back.  I could delete the post, but I am going to leave it to show that I was wrong and that I have learned from it.  I am still very sorry.  I know that you are helping us and I was very angry with her and I know lashing out is not the answer.

I just wish there was a way to fix all the wrong done in our lives whether it be what we have done or what has been done to us.  I know, I know, we don't live in a fantasy world.  I guess I am just too naive to realize sometimes, but I want to be positive and at least try.  Right now my husband and I are arguing because of his hard-headedness.  I know I am hard-headed too but what else can I do?  I pray that the Lord opens our eyes to see and hear what we need to hear.  I am so tired of arguing over nothing.  I cannot take this anymore!!!  I have been trying to be positive and now I am afraid I am not going to be able to stay positive.  I hate the way he talks to me.  So much hatred.  It is not fair.  I am trying to help him and I get pushed away and told how stupid I am for trying.  I am broken and cannot be repaired anymore.  Will I ever find my way back?  Please Lord help me.  I just hope someday soon we can find our happiness again.

Our way...

Saturday:  I am now in love with my husband more than ever. He did something so out of the ordinary.  I am so proud of him. He decided to pick his family over his habit.  I am so happy and he makes me so happy. We had a chance to go to a party and he turned the car around and decided that we would not go.  

Sunday:  Had a wonderful day at church.  The sermon was excellent and very informative and engaging.  I love how our Preacher preaches.  Now, that evening was not perfect, but we take the good times with the bad I guess.

Monday:  I know the power of God was working Saturday afternoon because he turned the car around and we came home and spent time with our son and his mom and step-dad.  We played dominoes and played music.  We had even stopped to get a six-pack of beer to celebrate since I was so excited and he was too.  I cannot express how I was so happy and just felt like a chain had been taken off or released.  Now, what I meant by the power of God at work earlier is that while we were headed down the road to go that way, I was playing a game on my laptop and suddenly felt really sleepy.  Well, I told my husband that I was going to close my eyes for a bit (well, it was the Holy Spirit making me keep my mouth shut and let him concentrate and have that war with his good and evil to make a good decision). I understood that afterwards.  Well, it felt like I had been asleep for about an hour and in reality, it had only been about 10 minutes or less.  I awoke to him turning the car around in the bar-ditch and I was so confused.  I saw that where we had turned there was road construction, but it did not dawn on me what was going on.  I asked him if the road was closed.  Well, with a look on his face that is indescribable, he told me no and that we were going home.  Well, at first I was just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Then, it dawned on me that we were not going to go to that party and mess up and back-slide on what I had been trying so hard not to do.  He talks about it all the time and it really infuriates me.  But, I do not say anything and just try to let it go and let him talk it out.  Now granted I don't feel as though it has the same pull on me, but in a way I know it has to and that we all have to deal with addiction in our own way.  We have been very honest with our son and I tell him everything that I think he needs to know and try to use as much of this as a teaching tool for a learning moment so that he understands later when he is faced with these issues.  The devil with try anything and I intend to educate my son so that he can be prepared to wage that war with evil and win.  Like our preacher says about the Bible, we know how it is going to end.  So, we know who wins...

Have a wonderful week!!!  God bless!!

Bible study

     I really wanted to do bible study this evening.  Man it is late, but I got it done and feel really good about it.  There were so many roadblocks to conquer just to get here.  Internet issues, computer issues, my son having an asthma attack and his inhaler has run out and he had to take a breathing treatment but the dog chewed up his breathing apparatus.  So, we had to use southern ingenuity to fix him another one that worked and the breathing machine gave us problems but we finally got it and now I am done with my Armor of God study and I feel good.  I cannot believe I am even up this late.  I didn't get a bit of sleep the night before because my husband abscessed tooth was hurting him so bad. I tried all of the home remedies and everything I could concoct up that I saw on YouTube or read when I Googled it.  These late nights are really wearing me down and I started my new job on Tuesday and I am just pooped.  

     But, I am filled with the Holy Spirit and just feel so much better for taking the time to listen to Priscilla Shirer and take part in the Armor of God Study and learn so much.  Now this is just my first week even though I have been to one of the studies at church for ladies night.  I have the book now and know what I am up against and I am ready for this.  Thanks to my mother-in-law who introduced me to this study and now it has lit a fire under me to suit up and put on my armor and get into this battle and fight!!!

      Thank you Jesus!!  Y'all have a blessed day!!!

     It's Friday!!!  Have a wonderful weekend!!

Headaches slow you down

      My head is pounding.  I've taken some Aleve, let's hope they kick in soon.  I've got to get going and not be late for my first day at this job.  I am super excited, but this damn headache is stealing my joy.  Argh!!!  I wanted to be rested and ready for this, but I hurt too bad to sleep and my husband kept waking me up all night.  Dammit.  I just wanted to be prepared for a day of hard work since I know it is going to be hot, noisy and I'm in a new place.  I will get through this.  

      Well, I made it through the day.  It wasn't too bad, but different.  It was hot, as I knew it would be. Working for the cleaners is a really hot job but I had done it before and I can handle it.  It is just hard coming in and working for someone new and there is different equipment, but essentially the same.  I just have to learn how they do it.  As always though, it is the quality, not the quantity that keeps the customers coming back.  I totally agree and not just because I am slow.  I am very picky and like to do a good job.  I don't want anyone to not take their time if it were my shirt and I was having to pay to have it pressed.  They want to look good and I want to do a good job.  That is all there is to it.

      Now, after coming home, I was pleasantly surprised that my husband had mopped, vacuumed, did the dishes and all of the laundry.  He had even made the bed.  I am so proud of him and glad he felt like getting up and taking care of all of those things so that my mother-in-law and I did not have to when we got home.  To top it all off, he even cooked us supper.  I am really blessed to have him and I cannot express how proud I am of him and I am so lucky to be his wife.  I love that man with all my heart and I like I always say, he is my FOREVER.  Well, I've to go back at it again tomorrow morning, so I have to get some sleep.  MAYBE.  If I can get him to sleep tonight.  This not sleeping is driving me crazy.  But, that is another story.  LOL  Good night everyone & God bless.