Still swimming...

I'm at a loss right now. I have been trying to keep it together all day and I'm about to break. If it is not one thing it's 20. When are things gonna go my way again? I thought we were going in the right direction and doing good. I'm praising God for all of our blessings, I'm praying, I'm trying. What happened?  Our refrigerator went out, we had to get a new water meter, now we have a water leak and Tommy is not here to fix it. I'm lost here. I can't do all of this myself. Tommy is at weekend jail and I can't talk to him because the jail lost my phone deposit money. I can't schedule a time to see him because their website is retarded and I can't schedule one in person because it's too late. I'm pissed. I am praying amd trying not to lose it right now. I know God is with me. I just want to talk to my husband. He knows what to say to help me. Please pray we make it. I know other people have bigger problems. I know I can handle ours, one step at a time.

Photography...

      My son and his photos are too cool.  He has an eye for certain situations and just loves to set some scenes up.  He just has a knack of finding the right snapshot most days.  He loves to play with the filters on all of the phone camera and apps.  Now that he has a new phone and it has so many to choose from he is ecstatic.  He can do thermal imaging and stencil and even kaleidoscope.  He just loves it.  These photos here today a few he took on his Windows Lumina phone that I just love.  I will try to include some from the new phone and even a few of mine that we took.  I really want to get him a camera.  I really would like for him to experience the way it feels to look through the lens and imagine the shot.  I want to get him a Canon.  I love the Canon Eos Rebel.  I used one for years when I was on the Yearbook Staff in high school and just cannot image using another.  I used one when my step-mother-in-law had a vintage western photography business.  Man, we had thousands of photos of the horses, sunsets and just old barns and stuff.  Maybe that is where Cody got the yearning for photography from.  I used to just take him riding in the pasture and snap photos.  He was a ham back then.  Now he still is, but mostly selfies.  LOL

    I just think it is cool that my son loves to take photos just like me  I really love to catch people, animals and even the scenery.  My favorite thing right now is heart-shaped things in nature.  Our preacher talked about it one Sunday and it makes me think like him.  God loves us and that is one of the many ways he reminds us of his love.  I love to see heart-shaped cactus, leaves or anything in nature.  I have mostly pics of those and Cody had mostly sunsets and horizons.  But, anyways I love to see what he comes up with each time.  He is my little boy even though he is not so little.  When we went to visit his Dad in jail, Tommy said it looked like he grew a foot.  He is getting so big and I just love him so much and that is why MY recovery is so important.  I know that Tommy is being put through his recovery/detox by being in jail, but my son is helping me with mine.  He knows what is going on because I tell him everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  That boy knows who is fake and who is real because I am teaching him.  Talk about the "School of Hard Knocks".  Cody knows how to read people and can spot a fake.  He knows who is trying to use who and can keep them at arms length.  

     Now I know that he is only 13, but he can be very sneaky and fool a lot and I mean a lot of people into thinking he is just a big old dummy.  That boy is smart.  He knows how to play the part to be a clown and to secretly be gathering info to see if he needs later.  He is not a malicious person, but he could be if crossed too many times.  Right now there is someone he will not talk to due to the treatment he received.  Now they are still trying to buy him off with certain items and he just doesn't want them.  So, if it is edible, I eat it or give it away.  If it's usable, I keep it and use it or give it to someone who needs it.  I don't sell it.  I need money, but if I have something someone needs, I will just give it to them because I have been there.  Heck, I'm still there and can only go up from here.  Well, will try and post more later.  Blogger keeps deleting my drafts so I have to rewrite them at least twice so it takes me longer to publish a blog.  Have a good Saturday.  We have to get up early and get ready.  We are going to see Tommy in the morning and I am super excited.  God bless.

Keep smiling and looking upward and it will all work out.

It's difficult these days...

I may be whining, but these are hard times.  It is hard for anyone to be a parent, a spouse or anyone who cares.  I am so unprepared for all of this.  What can I do?  I am really so tired of everyone telling me what to do and me not having a choice of what i want.  I am doing what my husband tells me to do and a lot of people have a problem with that.

I am so unhappy that my husband is in jail, but we knew this was going to happen.  We both knew that sooner or later he would get caught by the warrants.  Now we are both glad that is sooner, I think. Either way, there is no way I can do much about it.  I want to try and round up some money to get him out, but he will have to go back when he serves time, so what do I do?  I guess it all counts toward it, I don't know.  I do not have enough money to get him out of jail at the moment, but can put down a down payment. I am trying to get a job close to out new residence so I don't have to travel.  My son has kids his age he can hang out with and seems to be having a more fun time, especially socially.  I just have all of the people sticking there nose in my business and I don't like it.  Right now I am so sick I can barely type this. My blood pressure is so high, I am about to pass out.  

I talked to my husband and he tells me to do what needs to be done.  I am.  He left it all up to me and that is what I plan to do.  I am fighting an uphill battle but with God on my side, we can win and keep going.

God bless!!  Have a wonderful rest of the week and I will be back soon.