The night and day after doctors appointments, not so good...

     Last night was rough, to say the least on these kiddos.  Catching up on their immunizations was rough for them and they had a little bit of pain and did not feel good at all.  I did the best I could to soothe them with PawPaw's help.  He is such a wonderful man.  He works 6 days a week to provide for us and we love him for it.  I know he works hard since he comes home muddy and dirty.  I may complain about the mud on the floor and the clothes, but I know he is working hard and doing a great job while he is at it.  Tommy is a very smart man with a wonderful imagination and can accomplish anything.  The projects and jobs they accomplish are extraordinary.  The pictures and videos he shows me and what I used to could see on Facebook (my account was hacked and cannot access my account any longer) are amazing.  

    I'm telling you, they are perfection.  One of these years we might be able to afford at least one of those projects, but if we don't, it's ok.  We are truly blessed with what we have.  We had a great life, or so I thought before the drug addiction.  We are truly living a great life now with numerous blessings and these kiddos and our granddaughter Braylee.  Our kids are struggling, but we try our best to help them.  This COVID crap is hard on everyone.  Don't get me started on the shitshow of that.

    I really need to learn to take better care of myself.  These last few months have been an eye-opener of how bad I have been to myself.  My body is hurting all of the time and my teeth are awful.  I used to have a normal amount of fat (even though I thought I was fat) and the prettiest teeth.  Now, I am carrying several spare tires and have rotten teeth.  But, that is not going to stop me from being the best MoMo I can be to these babies.  I just have to choose which days we can venture out and go to the park.  Some days I can get this body going and there are some days it says we have to stay around the couch and find ways to have fun inside (which is several days after an outing).  I wish we could treat this arthritis better, but we have to wait until the heart issues are ruled out.  Soon, soon.

    On a different note, I am wondering when our first freeze will be.  I cannot wait for these mosquitoes to die.  Oh my gosh, we cannot go outside or the kiddos will get swarmed.  If you leave the door open for a moment to let the dogs out or in, they just all come in and swarm us in the house.  It is awful.  Benadryl gel is being used a lot to soothe our mosquito bites.  We really wanted to take the kiddos trick or treating, but we will have to slather on the lotion and repellent to keep them away from us.  We have a few days and hopefully, we will be able to do something fun for these kiddos.  

    These changes in weather need to decide already.  The cool fronts along with the pollen are not helping our noses and throats.  Both kiddos have a runny nose and I have a sore throat.  I have had a double ear infection for over a month and have been through 2 rounds of antibiotics and steroids, but it just won't go away.  So frustrating.  Have a message out to my doctor to see what we can call in or if I need to go in to be seen.  I have never in my life been to the doctor this much.  That is why this needs to be a PSA for those who can start now, please take care of yourself.  It is so important.  I know now why my grandparents preached to me to do the same.  I just didn't take their advice.  

    Well, I hope everyone is having a great and blessed day.  I have to go do more dishes and more laundry.  And, I might as well sweep and mop up the floor again (done daily where my husband takes off his boots each evening).  TTYL.  God bless.

Just keep swimming...

     We saw some of our friends yesterday evening.  We are all in recovery and caught up a little bit.  We are so proud of each other and how we can all keep going.  Being able to talk about those things with others who understand helps so much.  There are days when I tell my story to everyone I see when I can and there are days when I just can't go through the thoughts again.  It can be a little overwhelming at times, but we get through it.

    Our grandbabies are keeping me going I know that.  We ate a late breakfast and went to Rose Park and played most of the morning.  We can feed the prairie dogs there, so we take a sleeve of crackers and try to get them far enough for them to grab and take back to their safe homes.  I just know I am tired, but I am so blessed to be able to do this with those kiddos.  My husband asked me to resign from my job to stay home due to the health issues I have, but we did not know that we would be taking this adventure, but we are glad that we are.  I would not change a thing.  

    I am in constant pain from arthritis that I have been diagnosed along with and fibromyalgia.  I am having a CT Angiogram the day before Thanksgiving and will find out if there are any problems with my heart.  I am praying that we can only have to deal with the arthritis and the bulging discs in my neck.  Small vessel disease runs in my family and I really do not want the doctor to tell me that is what it is.  I have ALL the symptoms.

    Eiher way, I will continue to live my life to take care of my family.  I know that I am not suffering as much as others that are out there, so I need to stop complaining and keep going.  I don't know what I want to accomplish with this blog, but I just want to be able to put my feelings out there and try to help others when I can.  I really have no idea how I am going to do that, but will try to find information that is helpful and can share it.  I just want to tell my story and try to inspire others.  I want so much for my family and myself that I want to be able to pray more and give more.

God bless y'all.

Getting back into the swing of things, I hope...

     There is so much to write about and so much going on that I cannot think of everything to put in this post.  We have been in recovery for over 5 years and are doing good.  No relapses, thank the Lord.  Things had gotten a little rough during quarantine when Tommy and I contracted COVID, but we only lost our taste and smell and had minor symptoms.  We quarantined with Cody even though he tested negative and still had no symptoms.  I was worried he would get it and it would complicate his asthma.   But we were blessed.  

    It has been over a year since I have written a blog post.  So much has happened and so much has gotten better.  We are still living paycheck to paycheck, but we have good reason too.  I have resigned from my job at the cleaners over a month ago to stay at home due to health issues, but now we are keeping 2 of our grandbabies and I am staying home with them to take care of them.  It is a sudden change since our youngest son is 19.  Peyton is a year and a half and Nova is almost 4 months.  It has changed our lives for the better in our eyes we enjoy these babies.  Not to say it is not stressful sometimes, but we are getting along nicely.  

    I will have more in later posts, since I am trying to get back into blogging.

God bless y'all.

How can I keep going?

The only way to keep going is with God on my side. It just keeps getting harder and harder each day. We have our oldest son and his wife move in with is temporarily and it's hard. Besides the fact that there is not enough room for all of us and the financial responsibilities are tough. We really want to help as many others as we can since we have been helped by many through our addiction and stupidity.  I am trying my best to be a good person. We have tried this once before and we were taken advantage of. It ended badly. But, I just cannot allow them to live in their car. We are in a position to help others,  but when it seems like I do everything,  I'm tired. I work full-time, just finished getting my Bachelor's degree and I want to go back for my Master's,  but may have to put it off since I have no time and cannot do homework with all of them there.  Our granddaughter stays with us a lot when they are able to keep her.  I will make sure that she gets to see her parents. But why is it so hard for me? I'm trying to be a good person but feel like a doormat.  I don't want help, just someone to try and so things. Just try not to tear up our stuff. I'm just frustrated by everything.  I pray we can all make it until they find a place to live. Will continue this later...

What's our purpose...

I have no clue anymore. I thought I was here to be a good person and to take care of my husband and family. It seems all I do is get griped and or get ignored. I can't do anything right some days and I try so hard. I work 40 hours a week to try and help provide, try and get my homework done while trying to keep the house clean, make sure Cody does his homework and cook supper and plan meals. It's so hard when my husband works 50+ hours a week and us so tired and cranky and I feel lonely and left out. He makes me feel like I'm bothering him when I talk to him. He's either on the phone or watching TV. I'm tired too, but I still have to get up and do what needs to be done. I just want to spend time with him and it's so hard when he's in a bad mood. He looks angry ALL the time. I'm scared to talk to him sometimes. I reach over at night while he's asleep and pray for God to be with him and help him. I ask God to protect him and let him know how much I love him. I pray for all of us. All of the kids, granddaughter, in-laws, everyone. I want us to be happy again. I don't want to be afraid. I just need peace and a little love. Is that too much to ask?

New house, new possibilities

Oh my gosh. I can't believe it,  but here we are. Finally getting our shit together. I hope. It's a hard road, but I'm willing to travel it instead of doing the wrong things in life and having everyone look down on me and making me feel like crap. I (We) are winning.  Not losing. If anyone has a problem with that, they can kiss my ass. Most of our so called friends want us to fail so we can be just like them to make them feel better.  Not gonna fail assholes.  They just need to learn to be happy for us because Tommy and I care about each other and our kids. So, our road to recovery may be long and bumpy, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Life isn't easy. God has a plan. You just have to have the patience and faith to hang in there.  Love my family so much. Gotta go for now. God bless.

Love spending time with my husband

Cody and I are in Andrews at the Andrews Motor Inn waiting for Tommy to get off work.  I love my family so much.  We are still making it and want to keep making it.  We still have faith that things are going to be good and that we will not fail.

God had blessed us and we will not return to our old ways and mess up our life again.

We are by no means perfect, but we see the how the meth and other drugs are affecting other families and it just hurts my heart to see that.  The "meth monster" is what everyone is calling it in Abilene right now is winning and we have to kill it and the devil.  I am so blessed to know the difference.  

Cody and his Cotton Patch Chicken Fried Steak

At Buffalo Wild Wings with Cody

Cody eating wings and Buffalo Wild Wings

Freckles being a good boy

Tommy and I at my work.

Cody at the Zoo

We need to stay on our road to recovery...

I am really loving that we go and have fun and play disc golf at the park as a family. We need to get out more and exercise. We have gained a lot of weight since we stopped doing drugs. Recovery is a smart choice for us. We work our butts off, but are proud of everything we have done to get here. I am so proud of my husband and my son's and am willing to keep trying and keep going. Love my family. God bless.

Still feel like crap, but things are looking up...

We are still sniffling and hacking but trying to get better.  Don't know why we seem to be sick everyday, but maybe it will get better soon. We are trying so hard to shake sickness.  I love the fact we are on our own in a house, we have a car that is new to us, but it's new. Our family is together and I am so happy. We have got a lot of work to do at the house, but it will be worth it.

Went to a new church this morning...

Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success. Proverbs 3:6 NCV http://bible.com/105/pro.3.6.NCV

We went to a new church today and it was good. It was a little different than the one in Brownwood, but had a wonderful message and a funny pastor. I enjoyed myself and sang and sang. I hope we go back. I want to finish the sermon he started. We really need to talk about God more. I pray we can pray more. That is my plan anyway.

Have a wonderful week and God bless.

I'm wanting this year to start off right...

I'm reading Joyce Meyer's free devotional on my mobile device - check it out... Start Your Day RightWhen I said, My foot is slipping, Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, held me up. —Psalm 94:18 Some people seem to... http://google.com

New Year New Us!!

We are beginning a new year in a new place once again. Bless my son's heart. At least he thinks he'll be happy returning to Clyde school. I'm not sure how to feel yet. I just know it's hard right now to keep going and not go back to our old ways.  I will not allow my family to go through that again. We cannot allow the dope and drug addiction to control us. We are stronger than that. When we can stay together helps. In the beginning of this, we were not in the same town and 100 miles apart due to probation. Instead of Tommy goin to prison, we decided to try letting Tommy stay in Abilene and Cody are I stayed in Brookesmith. That was just as hard as when Tommy was in jail. Then we get our crappy landlord to surprise us with evicting us. He even admitted that it was because Tommy was not there. I was shattered. Cody was worse since not five minutes after Cody put our Christmas tree (that someone gave us) up, the landlord gave us the bad news. Now, we are temporarily living with Tommy's sister in Abilene. At least we are with Tommy. Robbie and Donald are so gracious to let us live here. I am forever grateful. I love my family. They are my world.

This will in fact be a good year. For my family, our son, our recovery and our extended family . We are still dealing with Tommy being on 24-hour surveillance and we almost have his bail bonds company paid off. We have one more payment. Woohoo!! I'm loving being able to see my hubby every morning. He keeps me going whether I like it or not . LOL

More to come of this year...

Evicted before Christmas...

Well, once again we have been given bad news. So tired of bad news. We've (my son & I) been having to live away from my husband because of probation rules, so now we will be reunited but by being evicted. The worst part is it is right before Christmas. It's so disappointing for my son. He just put up our tree and finished decorating it when our landlord knocked on the door giving us the bad news. But, God has a plan and I have to have faith it will work out. I am leaving Brookesmith today for Abilene, but have chosen to let my son stay longer, at least until Christmas break to keep working on getting his grades up and saying goodbye to his friends. He will be staying with friends and hope he can get his grades back up. He is almost there now and don't want to make it worse. He is a good kid  and is so smart. I love that boy with all my heart and his dad. I love Tommy's other 3 kiddos too even though two of them hate me. Everyone keeps saying they will come around and I pray that's true. 

Well, me and the dog are waiting on our ride. I can't wait to see my husband. At least I get to take my dog. Freckles is my baby. Cody gets to keep his dog with him, Sister. I just hope we can find our cat since she was lost last night. Jones is our cat but I don't know where she's at. The boys were too rowdy moving her and she took off. I hope Cody can find her. 

This just sucks right here at Christmas time. I know the Lord is with us and I have faith it will be alright. That's all for now. More later. God bless.

Well, we start off with bad news, Smoke died. She was just too young and a stray, so there wasn't much I could do. So, I had to bury my son's cat. He really loved her. But, things happen for a reason.  We never know. Only God knows.

Now Jones is doing rather well. She is helping me write this post now. I had to let Freckles and Sister out, they were disruptive. Lol.

My dogs and cat are part of my family and they are like my children. My babies are loved. And spoiled. They are the sweetest creatures.

I don't know if I could have made it through my recovery with my Freckles.

Well, here goes another episode in our saga.  Man, we are trying to catch a break and really really doing good, but things just cannot fall into place yet.  God has something planned for us and we just have to trust him.  We have tried 3 transmissions in the truck and none worked, so now we have put it aside and now have a car that we are working on.  I really want to get back to work even though I lost my job due to the no car thing and now I am looking for a new one but it cannot happen until we get wheels under us.  I know God has his timing and I trust Him.  Now my husband on the other hand tries to rush things and wants to hurry and get tires and etc for the car.  We will do this as soon as we can.  I know.  I love that man with all my heart and I hope he knows it.  This stress is tearing him up and he sometimes doesn't feel like a man and it angers him.  I try to reassure him but mess it all up sometimes.  It is hard for me too and he sometimes doesn't see that.  I need him and pray that his court date gets put off once again so we can get money saved up to pay more on his probation and on his bonds.  I am hoping for a miracle and need prayers.  God is with us and we will get through this.

We have two new faces in the family.  We have two new cats and they are the coolest.  I am not a real fan of them, but they chase mice and I am OK with that.  Tommy loves cats and I love him, so that is all.

Smoke

Jones

     I love my family more than anything and I am so proud of my husband and my children.  I am a proud wife and momma.  I pray for our family and what is going on around us and to keep everyone safe and happy.  Here is a pic of our youngest from last week:

So proud of my 14 year old!!

Things have gotten a little better since we are in recovery and will be working on this for the rest of our life.  We know we can do this and together we can beat it.

We are trying to be independent and don't like being dependent on other people to get a ride to town or to our appointments.  We thank God for the families around us and our friends and neighbors for their help.  Without them, we might still be lost and not be able to get back.  We want to thank everyone who has helped us along the way, family and friends.  (You know who you are).  God bless you all.

Ya can't keep us down. We will rise. And with all the setbacks, we have even more determination. Each time we get knocked down is a new way to prove how strong we are...

Anyways, I am Blogging today instead of doing my late homework. It'll all get done today. I'm gonna hip on it right after taking care of my sick kid, the laundry, the dishes, cleaning up the yard (again) & etc.

I wish I had more help. I'm really tired of the laziness. It seems like I'm the only one who cares. My husband doesn't get to stay home all the time since some idiot, yes we know who you are, keeps turning him in. We have to suffer apart a lot due to their stupidity. But, enough on that. Back to what I was saying. My husband would help if he didn't work all the time or can't be here. My son tries to help when he's not going to school or football. Our middle son who is 18, doesn't do much AT ALL. We are getting a little tired of his overall not do a damn thing.  He needs to wake up. He's gotta at least try.

With that being said, he's also gotta get that giant chip off his shoulder and quit getting butthurt at everything we say. And I do mean everything. When we try to teach him or even advise him, he gets defensive and there is no talking to him whatsoever. He immediately goes to his room, get on his phone and calls or texts someone he can cry to to tell them how bad we mistreat him. Poor Baby!!  It's tough being an adult. Ya ought to be in mine and your Daddy's shoes. Then you might see what it is like.

Don't get me wrong, we love all our kids and want what's best for them. We just aren't going to just give it to them.  They need to understand the value of themselves and to apply themselves.  It's only right.

We can't let them think life is easy. It's not all fun and games either. We pray for all of our families and hold them dear to our hearts and we want to see the best for them.

God bless.

Trying all things legal to make $...

I'm trying everything I know to make some legit money.  I really like my job at Driveline but also like to do surveys and etc.  I found this site Surveys4moms and really like it. Here is my link for more information:

http://www.surveys4moms.com/e/s.aspx?fid=16627602

I think it's cool to be able to make money from home this way. I am a member of several sites and will continue to sign up for more. I just have to keep trying and things will happen.  You never know, things happen for a reason. Gotta love free.

God bless y'all.

Tommy is home...

Well, the old man is now home.  It has been a struggle and will keep being that way, but one of the hard parts is over.  Thank you Jesus.  We just gotta keep livin'.  I know we are going to mess up from time to time, but we are never going to go back to where we were.  My son will not have to experience that again. Right now with all the rain, it is stressful enough to keep his asthma under control.  Him and Mamaw are having a rough time.  These fronts keep coming through, he cannot breathe, Tommy is not feeling good, he is scared the bone infection is coming back and I have a migraine everyday.  It's like the movie Groundhog Day.  We wake up, and it starts all over with the same things happening, everyday.  I am just glad that the Lord allowed me to get something done to get my husband out.  I only had to ask for a co-signer and not have to ask anyone for money.  I was so proud of myself.  Cody and I have been trying so hard to get that money together to get him out of jail and keep him out.  We are trying to get his probation caught up and do his community service and all that needs to be done for that.  I have taken it upon myself to kick his ass and get this shit done.  The bonds people and I are getting acquainted and we are going to stay on track this time.

Those two make me happy.  I know I complain about them joking around all the time, but I know I'm too serious all of the time.  They keep it even I guess.  Or I guess we could call it balance.  LOL

It has been a really good week with Tommy home.  We have been talking and trying to plan our future.  Now we have not really fought at all.  It has been kinda nice.  We are just not as moody as we were.  Our recovery is different and ongoing.  There is no way to sugar-coat it, it is going to be hell.  But, God will get us through.  I am still going to pray and keep my "War Room" and we are going to all be in there I guess.   A praying family.  That is what we need. 

Still have a lot to do and a lot on my list.  I have to get doctor appointments made for them and talk with my new boss again.  I started yesterday in an all of sudden way.  They called and I said I could make it.  If all goes well, I will get all the stores they service in Brady.  Love it.  I had fun and just really like it.  I am happy about my pay too.  It is a dollar and a half more than what I was going to make at United and United was going to start me out at a dollar and thirty-five cents more than they usually start someone out at.  So, I am making almost three dollars more than what I could have started out at. LOL.  I am super excited.  I really want to do a good job and the rep that was training me yesterday said I did above and beyond a good job on all of my work.  I am proud of myself.  

Well, I need to go to town and get things done.  Hope you all have a good day.  God bless.

Family, or is it? I don't know anymore...l

I really love my family.  My sons and our daughter and my husband and  our granddaughter.  Now we have some additions, lots of them, due to who we are living with.  They have treated us just like family.  Tracy and I seem like sisters since we are alike in a lot of ways and we have the same ideas, granted, not all of the time.  But, we think alike in most aspects.  

Now don't get me wrong, we are not perfect.  LOL.  But, we are trying to get by and help each other out, like family is supposed to do.  I am trying to do what I can to help out and they are doing what they can.  I appreciate them letting us stay here and I'm not just saying that because she might be reading it.  They did not have to take in a middle-aged woman with a bottom-less pit of a 13 year old and all our drama.  My husband being in jail is the least of the problems due to other baggage and issues.  

I just love my family so much.  And I want what is best for them.  That includes if we have to sacrifice something.  Right now I am having to live without the love of my life and I can't wait for him to come home.  I need to see and feel him everyday.  My son needs him here everyday.  I am lost without him. I pray we can bring him home soon.

My family is my life and it is hard for me to be without all of them.  Cody understands when I become a sobbing mess and tries to help me.  Freckles mostly takes over and licks my face.  He has helped me so much too.  They know that I don't want to break, but when I do, it is bad.  I have had a migraine for two days and I have been praying and praying my husband will get out soon.  The devil is trying to get inside my head and make me think awful thoughts and I am trying to resist.  I pray I can do this.  Please Lord keep those people away and don't let my husband contact them again.  Those people are no good and I don't want to see her or anyone of their kind around him or my sons ever again.  They are not wanted here.  She can leave and never come back and I will be happy.  It will not be the case though.  I have been trying for 15 years and they always come back because they always want MY husband to take care of them.  They need to stay away.  HE IS MY HUSBAND. I think they need to learn how to take care of themselves or find someone who can.  I am done.  My husband loves me and I love him.  Why can't they just leave us alone?

I am so tired and weary.  I sit here looking through old pics and think of my boys.  They love their dad and hopefully will see him soon.  I am so tired of crying.  God bless you all.

War...

Well, I'm at war with myself.  My husband does not believe me that I am behaving myself in my recovery.  I have not touched a bit since BEFORE he went to jail.  I know better.  Now I am not telling everyone this just to hear myself talk.  I am pissed now though.  I cannot get him out of jail and so he is angry with me.  So what the hell do I do?  Why does he have to take it out on me?

I am now at war with everyone but Tommy and Cody.  Cody is my rock.  Why should I trust anyone else?  Especially when no one trusts me.  I have given up a lot and wanted to change my life when I met my husband.  I accepted his two boys and his girl as my own.  But, they all called another mom and even made a point to call even another mom.  They have tried and tried to make me mad and threw it in my face that I am not their mother.  Now these women have only tried to break my husband and I up and have only tried to cause me heartache.  I dislike people like that and I have forgiven them, but I still dislike the fact that Tommy and I have been together for almost 15 years and one of them just cannot let him go.  She is so unhappy with her life that she will do a lot to make everyone else miserable.  I am not threatened by her, just tired of dealing with her.  I do not feel the need for her in mine or my husband's life and she needs to realize that and get the hell away from all of us.  She is not welcome around my home.

This is all about to come to an end.  I will not put up with people meddling with my family.  Now, when Tommy gets out, there are a lot of changes he has to deal with.  And there will be some other changes that we discussed.  There is going to be no contact, what so ever, with numerous people.  We will have new phone numbers and be "off the grid" to most people.  And I mean most.  He has said so hisself and I am taking that and running with it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON MY HUSBAND!!  That is what everyone is waiting for.  Well, the wait is over.  Go away.  I will not give up on him, so you can leave now and save yourselves the trouble for when he gets out.  There is no need for you to contact me or him, or even come by.  Thanks.

I am not making anyone the enemy.  They make themselves that when they lie to me or my son or even try to use us.  I have not tried to use anyone.  It may seem like it, but I have always made a point to not use anyone, even when other people do it to support their habit.

There are a lot of people out there that are nice to your face, some days.  But, there are even more fakes, users, manipulators and etc. out there.  I do not plan on being one of them.  We deal with them everyday.  We just need to know when to spot them.

I love my family and want what is best for them even if I AM THE BAD GUY/GAL.  That is all I have ever done and I pay the price.  They can all go around spewing lies and making themselves look good.  Ya know, they need to take a step back and check themselves again.  That magic mirror is wrong.  That things lies to us like we lie to ourselves.  We just have to know the difference and MAKE A DIFFERENCE in our lives or someone elses.

Thanks for listening.  God bless.