Family, or is it? I don't know anymore...l

I really love my family.  My sons and our daughter and my husband and  our granddaughter.  Now we have some additions, lots of them, due to who we are living with.  They have treated us just like family.  Tracy and I seem like sisters since we are alike in a lot of ways and we have the same ideas, granted, not all of the time.  But, we think alike in most aspects.  

Now don't get me wrong, we are not perfect.  LOL.  But, we are trying to get by and help each other out, like family is supposed to do.  I am trying to do what I can to help out and they are doing what they can.  I appreciate them letting us stay here and I'm not just saying that because she might be reading it.  They did not have to take in a middle-aged woman with a bottom-less pit of a 13 year old and all our drama.  My husband being in jail is the least of the problems due to other baggage and issues.  

I just love my family so much.  And I want what is best for them.  That includes if we have to sacrifice something.  Right now I am having to live without the love of my life and I can't wait for him to come home.  I need to see and feel him everyday.  My son needs him here everyday.  I am lost without him. I pray we can bring him home soon.

My family is my life and it is hard for me to be without all of them.  Cody understands when I become a sobbing mess and tries to help me.  Freckles mostly takes over and licks my face.  He has helped me so much too.  They know that I don't want to break, but when I do, it is bad.  I have had a migraine for two days and I have been praying and praying my husband will get out soon.  The devil is trying to get inside my head and make me think awful thoughts and I am trying to resist.  I pray I can do this.  Please Lord keep those people away and don't let my husband contact them again.  Those people are no good and I don't want to see her or anyone of their kind around him or my sons ever again.  They are not wanted here.  She can leave and never come back and I will be happy.  It will not be the case though.  I have been trying for 15 years and they always come back because they always want MY husband to take care of them.  They need to stay away.  HE IS MY HUSBAND. I think they need to learn how to take care of themselves or find someone who can.  I am done.  My husband loves me and I love him.  Why can't they just leave us alone?

I am so tired and weary.  I sit here looking through old pics and think of my boys.  They love their dad and hopefully will see him soon.  I am so tired of crying.  God bless you all.

Alright, now I have said my worst, who's next?

There has got to be a point where it just stops.  Now, I have told everyone over and over and over what is going on.  Let me just do it ONE more time so that there is no confusion (you know who you are):  Okay, Tommy has been on probation for a while now, but has not been going or paying due to his maturity and that he just didn't want to.  I have been the grown-up and either paid on it when I could or just called to do his check-ins with his Probation Officer and with all of his Bail bonds people.  Now, I can only do so much when I have no money or when we run out of luck when they revoke his probation and when he decides to leave the treatment facility even though they say he can.  Since it is court ordered, it really doesn't matter what we want, he still has to do the 9 months + so that the state will be satisfied.  Well, screw that now.  Since he walked out, there is that new charge, plus the revoking of the probation and etc.  So, he has had a warrant out for him for a few months.  The first time he got caught, he told everyone he would take care of it.  Well, he lied.  He did nothing and I tried to cover and do what I could since he has the final say.  Now, his luck ran out again and it was a simple traffic stop that put him in jail again.  There is no new charge, just the motion to revoke and the leaving of the treatment facility.  So, everyone still with me?  Ok, if you are lost, too bad.  This is the same shit over and over.  Now, if you know what is going on, good.  I will continue and say that I am working very hard to get something together and saving to get him out.  Now I know it may be a waste of money if I get him out before his indictment, but I may not get the money together before then.  But, all of the time he is in there right now will count toward that when they do indict him.  So, either way, he has to wait.  I cannot gather all the money to bail him out yet and will be patient.  He is being patient and will have to be.  I love that man with all my heart and will continue to do for him.  Now if anyone would like to help, you can comment on here or send me a message on my Google + page or find me on Facebook.  Russchelle McNutt Foster.  Now, I am not expecting anyone to help, but it never hurts to ask, right?  I am just venting and telling me story.  It is after all still a free country.  LOL  Well, will have more later.  God bless you all and good night.

What gives?

OK. Trying and trying and trying to find a place to live and just trying to keep us afloat.  I just don't make enough to get us there and pray that we can get out there and stay there.  I just want a place for Cody to feel safe and get him organized and working hard and feeling good about himself. 

He feels safe where we are at and loves to be here and loves out here in the country, but just like his Daddy, he just wants a place to call his own.  I just want to be able to provide and try to keep us afloat.   I will be looking for another job to try and help supplement the one I have.  I am just so thankful for the one I have now.  I will just have to suck it up and work more.  

I have still been looking for another job, just haven't been telling anyone.  I am still on the hunt for the perfect job.  This one is good and like I said, I am very thankful.  It just isn't like the other cleaners that I worked at.  At least they kind of leave me alone.  Now some days, he just can't back off and let me be.  But, I guess most bosses are like that.  

Anyways, what gives man?  The harder we try, the harder it gets.  Our chances get slimmer and slimmer each time we try to get anything done or even try to get ahead.  That really drives me crazy.  We just cannot get things rolling because we get several set backs and just keeps setting us back each time. 

I just want to do the best I can and make sure my family is provided for and can be we can be together and happy.  I just want our son to proud of us no be embarrassed by us and want to hang out with us more.  I like hanging out with him and want to take him more places and be able to afford the other things that the other kids do, to a point.  I just want him to be able to experience the things that he needs to in his life.  I am so proud of him and want him to be proud of himself.  He is so awesome and I love that boy so much. 

Now, I am biased and I know it.  Just like all the mothers out there.  I love all my kids and wish them all the best and hope the devil will leave them alone and they can live for God and do the best they can.  I know they can.  Well, I have got to get back to my chores and get some things done.  Have a good weekend and a blessed Sunday!!