War...

Well, I'm at war with myself.  My husband does not believe me that I am behaving myself in my recovery.  I have not touched a bit since BEFORE he went to jail.  I know better.  Now I am not telling everyone this just to hear myself talk.  I am pissed now though.  I cannot get him out of jail and so he is angry with me.  So what the hell do I do?  Why does he have to take it out on me?

I am now at war with everyone but Tommy and Cody.  Cody is my rock.  Why should I trust anyone else?  Especially when no one trusts me.  I have given up a lot and wanted to change my life when I met my husband.  I accepted his two boys and his girl as my own.  But, they all called another mom and even made a point to call even another mom.  They have tried and tried to make me mad and threw it in my face that I am not their mother.  Now these women have only tried to break my husband and I up and have only tried to cause me heartache.  I dislike people like that and I have forgiven them, but I still dislike the fact that Tommy and I have been together for almost 15 years and one of them just cannot let him go.  She is so unhappy with her life that she will do a lot to make everyone else miserable.  I am not threatened by her, just tired of dealing with her.  I do not feel the need for her in mine or my husband's life and she needs to realize that and get the hell away from all of us.  She is not welcome around my home.

This is all about to come to an end.  I will not put up with people meddling with my family.  Now, when Tommy gets out, there are a lot of changes he has to deal with.  And there will be some other changes that we discussed.  There is going to be no contact, what so ever, with numerous people.  We will have new phone numbers and be "off the grid" to most people.  And I mean most.  He has said so hisself and I am taking that and running with it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON MY HUSBAND!!  That is what everyone is waiting for.  Well, the wait is over.  Go away.  I will not give up on him, so you can leave now and save yourselves the trouble for when he gets out.  There is no need for you to contact me or him, or even come by.  Thanks.

I am not making anyone the enemy.  They make themselves that when they lie to me or my son or even try to use us.  I have not tried to use anyone.  It may seem like it, but I have always made a point to not use anyone, even when other people do it to support their habit.

There are a lot of people out there that are nice to your face, some days.  But, there are even more fakes, users, manipulators and etc. out there.  I do not plan on being one of them.  We deal with them everyday.  We just need to know when to spot them.

I love my family and want what is best for them even if I AM THE BAD GUY/GAL.  That is all I have ever done and I pay the price.  They can all go around spewing lies and making themselves look good.  Ya know, they need to take a step back and check themselves again.  That magic mirror is wrong.  That things lies to us like we lie to ourselves.  We just have to know the difference and MAKE A DIFFERENCE in our lives or someone elses.

Thanks for listening.  God bless.