A selfie...

I normally hate pics of me.

Life is a funny thing...

Ya know, life really is a funny thing.  For almost 15 years I have been focused on my husband and kids and still am, don't get me wrong.  I have been told that I care too much, that I smother them and that I need to let them do things on their own and I am controlling.  I will not apologize for caring.  Now, you don't care when you just stick your nose in and try to make sure they do what you want them to do and not care what the outcome is when they don't.  I follow through and accept the outcome, whatever it is.  Now I'm not saying that it has not been a struggle, but it has not been as bad as most.  I know I am truly blessed to have my family and will always be grateful.  There are a lot of people out there that feel since they are not happy and that they did not get the life they deserve due to abuse or hardship that no one else should have it too.  Well, ya got another thing coming.  People, you don't expect it.  You need to be content with what you have and make the most of it to be happy.  You are a good person, no matter what you have done.  We are created in God's image.  And I have never seen any evil in that.  You have got think that there are a lot of people out there that just give up because maybe they don't think they are worthy of forgiveness or even think they can turn their lives around.  No, they are just lazy or misinformed.  There is always a solution.  It may not be the one that they want, but there is always a way to FIX things.  Broken or unbroken.  Now, I do not know it all, but I do know that I love having my family and what friends we have left due to recover/rehab issues.  You really need to stop and think:  What has God given me that I have put away and not looked at or used in a while?  Well, it may be your conscience, your pride, your boldness, your sense of humor or whatever you had or thought you had or even thought you might have.  You never know.  Stop and think and let contentment or even adventure unfold and see where it takes you.  Right now I am sewing up a friends pants and looking through my sewing box.  I have found a dozen or more of projects I put away to sew up later.  I am breaking it out and granted, I will not do them all today, but it makes me think, what have I put away that I have forgotten about?  Now I am not talking about all of the physical things either.  Someone out there is struggling with drugs, abuse, neglect, and numerous other things out there.  Let God restore all of your gifts.  It will not happen overnight, but it will happen if you stay positive and keep your eyes on God.  He knows what is best for you.  Thanks for listening.  I am full of contentment and joy even though Tommy is incarcerated and my face prison/rehab.  I am happy he is and will get the help he needs and I am in recovery myself and we talk about it over the phone.  He knows and he accepts.  We pray together and pray for each other.  I love him and he loves us.  We will get through this and keep going.  There isn't any other way for us.

God Bless Y'all!!!

whine, whine, whine...

Evidently I can only whine about not being able to talk to Tommy.  But, all my son can do is whine about his new phone.  But, at least he has not been on it as much since we moved.  He's got a plan with data and can get on the internet at anytime and all that.  Just we have horrible service.  Oh well, we had that at the other place as well.  Anyways, still waiting for my old man to call.  I just wish he was made aware of when someone puts money on their account for the phones.  That would just seem logical to me.  From what the jailers tell me, he only gets a receipt for when someone puts money on his books.  It is all done by the same company anyway, but I guess I am asking too much.

Well, I got to talk to Tommy finally. Thanks to Angela. I guess I will never understand her. Tommy tries to help me, but can't do it either. I am also not like that. I really care about people and want to help them. I don't want recognition. I just truly like to make people happy. 

Things are getting better...

I know this because I am willing to go the extra mile to make sure it happens. I love my family and I have only wanted the best, but as they say, "shit happens". I know I gripe about my family issues, but I am sure that rehab is not the answer for me since I have been clean and sober for months. I do not need meth nor any other drugs. Beer does not even taste as good as it did. I know that Tommy was ordered to go to rehabilitation, but he may or may not need it. I just need him to understand that now we have a leg to stand on since one of the qualifications for disability is being addicted to a drug, etc. Now, I know there is more to it, but I'm willing to research it and get this done too. I know that I take on too much but really want to help and not hurt. Tommy will be out soon and we will be happy. God bless, more later. Good night, sleep well.

Things will start to get better soon...

I know this because I am willing to go the extra mile to make sure it happens. I love my family and I have only wanted the best, but as they say, "shit happens". I know I gripe about my family issues, but I am sure that rehab is not the answer for me since I have been clean and sober for months. I do not need meth nor any other drugs. Beer does not even taste as good as it did. I know that Tommy was ordered to go to rehabilitation, but he may or may not need it. I just need him to understand that now we have a leg to stand on since one of the qualifications for disability is being addicted to a drug, etc. Now, I know there is more to it, but I'm willing to research it and get this done too. I know that I take on too much but really want to help and not hurt.

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Updated: New information about free eye exams and eyeglasses

Ok, here is an update on some new information I got and I have already submitted my name and etc. to them to contact me regarding this since my son now needs an exam and may need glasses.

So, here goes:  You can find more info on the www.new-eyes.org website.
The school counselor called and gave me some info on who to contact:

She told me to call Vision USA, but instead I Googled www.aoafoundation.org/vision-usa them and found out that I do not qualify since I have Medicaid, but there may be someone out there who needs to contact them, so just Google Vision USA and you will see if you qualify.

When you look up the new-eyes website, it will also bring up the other and about 5 other sites that can help: Commission For The Blind, Lions Clubs, Vision USA, Sight for Students and EyeCare America.  The glasses will come from the retailer www.MarvelOpitics.com.  Individuals cannot apply for themselves. The online application is only accessible to social service agencies who apply on their clients behalf.  Eligibility requirements are:

New Eyes purchases new prescription eyeglasses for low-income individuals in the U.S. through a voucher program. To be eligible for our program, applicants must:

• Meet the U.S. Poverty guidelines.
• Have had a recent eye exam. New Eyes does not pay for eye exams. Contact Us if you need assistance in locating a source of free or low-cost eye exams
• Have no other resources available to them to pay for glasses, including federal or state programs or assistance from local charitable organizations.

A New Eyes voucher typically covers only the cost of a basic pair of single or lined bifocal eyeglasses.

Happy hunting everyone...

Alright, now I have said my worst, who's next?

There has got to be a point where it just stops.  Now, I have told everyone over and over and over what is going on.  Let me just do it ONE more time so that there is no confusion (you know who you are):  Okay, Tommy has been on probation for a while now, but has not been going or paying due to his maturity and that he just didn't want to.  I have been the grown-up and either paid on it when I could or just called to do his check-ins with his Probation Officer and with all of his Bail bonds people.  Now, I can only do so much when I have no money or when we run out of luck when they revoke his probation and when he decides to leave the treatment facility even though they say he can.  Since it is court ordered, it really doesn't matter what we want, he still has to do the 9 months + so that the state will be satisfied.  Well, screw that now.  Since he walked out, there is that new charge, plus the revoking of the probation and etc.  So, he has had a warrant out for him for a few months.  The first time he got caught, he told everyone he would take care of it.  Well, he lied.  He did nothing and I tried to cover and do what I could since he has the final say.  Now, his luck ran out again and it was a simple traffic stop that put him in jail again.  There is no new charge, just the motion to revoke and the leaving of the treatment facility.  So, everyone still with me?  Ok, if you are lost, too bad.  This is the same shit over and over.  Now, if you know what is going on, good.  I will continue and say that I am working very hard to get something together and saving to get him out.  Now I know it may be a waste of money if I get him out before his indictment, but I may not get the money together before then.  But, all of the time he is in there right now will count toward that when they do indict him.  So, either way, he has to wait.  I cannot gather all the money to bail him out yet and will be patient.  He is being patient and will have to be.  I love that man with all my heart and will continue to do for him.  Now if anyone would like to help, you can comment on here or send me a message on my Google + page or find me on Facebook.  Russchelle McNutt Foster.  Now, I am not expecting anyone to help, but it never hurts to ask, right?  I am just venting and telling me story.  It is after all still a free country.  LOL  Well, will have more later.  God bless you all and good night.

Life is hard for a lot of people...

I seem to be whining a lot lately. I am not giving up.  I am just so tired of all of the people that think they know what is going on.  Now when I tell you what is going on, that is what is actually happening. Don't try to judge us and put what you thought was going on into the mix.  Because that only going to piss me off more.  I am doing my damnest to keep what I have and keep going to take care of my son and do what my husband wishes while he is incarcerated.  Now you people that are sticking your nose in and profiling can just go away.  I am not going to stoop to your level and answer your stupid questions.  I will not text you back if you ask me anymore dumb questions which you should know the answer to.  I HAVE NOT been using and AM NOT using methamphetamines right now.  So, if you think you know what is going on in my life, YOU DON'T!!!!!  

So, that is what is happening today folks.  If you want to know something, yes, ask me, but I have already been over this with you and already told everyone the same shit over and over and over.  I am just so tired of the bullshit and having to repeat myself.  Tommy is not having a fun time in jail and I am doing my damnest to raise money BY MYSELF AND GET ANOTHER JOB.  I will not ask for help except to put money on Tommy's phone or on our phones so we can communicate.  Right now he has money on his books and we have a place to stay and money on our phones for a couple of weeks.  If anyone wants to help, they can put money on the phone for him or I am taking a collection to pay the bail-bond person, whoever I choose, to bond him out.  

Now, if that is just too much,  I guess we will be cutting our ties to a lot more people than we thought.  Tommy and I already have cut a lot of ties to people who we thought were our friends.  I now have only 3 friends in my life that are Tommy's and that are doing what they can for me.  Also, I have one of his cousins and one of his siblings that are willing to help.  Now, I have no family at the moment.  My family and I are not communicating due to this also.  They are hypocrites just like Tommy's family.  They want you to do what they think is right and they do not see that they are also doing what we have been doing.  They are also drug addicts, alcoholics and etc. just like us, but are not willing to admit it.  I am getting really tired of all of the hypocrites that think they will not be found out.  Now listen, it is not my job to tell anyone.  I am sitting back and letting everyone know my story so that they can know that there is someone else out there that has been through it.  I am not trying to get sympathy in any way, I am just trying to tell my side of the story.  My son knows about this and he is OK with it.  I am just trying to make sure MY VOICE is being heard too.

Thanks for listening...

God Bless, I have to do what my husband and I discussed:  I am taking it to the WAR ROOM and I am going into battle.

Good Night!!!

Trying to get things together...

As I sit here writing this, I am thinking of how this could be easier, but it's not.  I know I have made some mistakes, but I keep going.  My old ass is trying to get going today without help as usual. But this is the norm for me.  I used to save it all for my husband when we had help to get up.  I did not do as much as him because I knew he would need it the most.  I always made sure he would be able to get up for certain days and not have to suffer.  That day feels like one of these.  Granted, he knew that I was helping him somehow.  It is hard to hide it from your partner/spouse. He would always get mad and I would just tell him it is ok.  It is my job to make sure he is doing better. Now that he is in jail, I am still feeling that way, even though we are not using.   I just know I miss him and everyday is going to be hard without him here.  As of right now, it will be at least a month before his court date and I cannot afford to get him out of jail.  I am stuck here in a spot and cannot do much.  I am going to get my ID today and take my son to the doctor to get more asthma medication for him and a physical because he wants to do track.  I really want him to do good so we can tell his dad the next time we see him.  I have to get my ID so I can take my son to see him.  They won't let him see his dad unless he is escorted by someone with a valid ID.  I will do whatever it takes to let my son see his Dad and I really want to see him.  I am so angry at him for allowing this to happen.  This is what we fought over and over and over about. But I still love him with all my heart and soul. I wanted to get things taken care of and he would always think I wanted him to go to jail.  That was not it.  I would have taken the charges, ALL OF THEM, if it meant that he would be out.  I would have done the time if he would have let me.  But there was no argument.  He told the officer that the stuff was his and I did my time for what I had and now we are here.  The only thing is, what I had was not state jail felony at the time.  It is now, but I was lucky and served my time in jail and was time served.  Now I guess I was lucky and I know that my husband holds that against me, but I need to be here for our son just like he does and the is another thing we fought about.  I was done with it, I don't know how, but I could put it down.  Tommy would get so mad at me and make rude comments about it and make me feel bad.  I was going to church and feeling better while he was wallowing in his self pity.  Now he sees what can really happen but still cannot give it up.  I really want him to come out of jail and want to start a new life like me.  I really want my family back and will do what it takes to make it happen.  I really need prayer and will continue to pray for my husband and my family to keep going.  Thanks to all of you who read this for letting me rant and tell my story.

God bless you.

It's difficult these days...

I may be whining, but these are hard times.  It is hard for anyone to be a parent, a spouse or anyone who cares.  I am so unprepared for all of this.  What can I do?  I am really so tired of everyone telling me what to do and me not having a choice of what i want.  I am doing what my husband tells me to do and a lot of people have a problem with that.

I am so unhappy that my husband is in jail, but we knew this was going to happen.  We both knew that sooner or later he would get caught by the warrants.  Now we are both glad that is sooner, I think. Either way, there is no way I can do much about it.  I want to try and round up some money to get him out, but he will have to go back when he serves time, so what do I do?  I guess it all counts toward it, I don't know.  I do not have enough money to get him out of jail at the moment, but can put down a down payment. I am trying to get a job close to out new residence so I don't have to travel.  My son has kids his age he can hang out with and seems to be having a more fun time, especially socially.  I just have all of the people sticking there nose in my business and I don't like it.  Right now I am so sick I can barely type this. My blood pressure is so high, I am about to pass out.  

I talked to my husband and he tells me to do what needs to be done.  I am.  He left it all up to me and that is what I plan to do.  I am fighting an uphill battle but with God on my side, we can win and keep going.

God bless!!  Have a wonderful rest of the week and I will be back soon.

Love the rain...

I just love the rain falling down. It is so wonderful. I just love when it smells good and I love to hear it on the roof. Even though we spent most of the rain fixing water leaks and doing some plumbing, it was still blissful. Now,  we just need to get busy. I am so tired of uncertainty. It just drives me crazy. I wish things will get better faster, but I know I have to be patient.

Can't win for losing

I just cannot win for losing. I get laid off from my job, then my husband gets a job, but things still aren't going right. This is stupid. I know life is hard. I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting. My husband flies off the handle for no reason and I'm just supposed to be OK with that. I'm so tired of trying to stand-up after getting knocked down, literally. My head hurts each time I get hit. I love my husband and my family. I'm just not able to do much more. I am broken. How can I heal myself and get better?

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