Just can't do it...

It is so hard to be a good person.  I cannot believe how hard it is to be a good person.  When you are a drug addict, it is hard to get a fair shake.  I know that is no excuse but we are trying hard to get our lives back together.  I know that we cannot try hard enough to do what we need to do.   We work hard everyday to repair the damage that has been done to our lives due to the evil hold that illegal drugs has on you.  Now, I do not know if many of you understand, but it is an eye-opening experience.  

I love my husband and I love my life.  I just hope I can educate or help someone with what I am writing.  

Man, we worked our ass off today to help a good friend and is wife get some things done today.  Needless to say, we would have done that when we were on dope but, we really wanted to help them out and keep going and doing good.  I know we missed church this morning, but we could not help that.  We only have so much time before our friend has to go back to work, I will go back to work in the morning and his wife has so much homework since she is going back to school, it is not funny.

I too, am proud of us, even though I am writing this and I am about to pass out from exhaustion.  I got a sunburn and so did my husband.  But, sometimes we just have to do what we can and do what is right for other people. 

I am not saying that is what we do ALL of the time, BUT, we at least try.  I really want to be a better person and I will help everyone I can and do all I can to be that better person.  I love my family and want to be the best I can be.  I really hope one day that we can be proud of ourselves again.

Have a wonderful day tomorrow and have a blessed week.  I know I will.

God bless you all!!!

What gives?

OK. Trying and trying and trying to find a place to live and just trying to keep us afloat.  I just don't make enough to get us there and pray that we can get out there and stay there.  I just want a place for Cody to feel safe and get him organized and working hard and feeling good about himself. 

He feels safe where we are at and loves to be here and loves out here in the country, but just like his Daddy, he just wants a place to call his own.  I just want to be able to provide and try to keep us afloat.   I will be looking for another job to try and help supplement the one I have.  I am just so thankful for the one I have now.  I will just have to suck it up and work more.  

I have still been looking for another job, just haven't been telling anyone.  I am still on the hunt for the perfect job.  This one is good and like I said, I am very thankful.  It just isn't like the other cleaners that I worked at.  At least they kind of leave me alone.  Now some days, he just can't back off and let me be.  But, I guess most bosses are like that.  

Anyways, what gives man?  The harder we try, the harder it gets.  Our chances get slimmer and slimmer each time we try to get anything done or even try to get ahead.  That really drives me crazy.  We just cannot get things rolling because we get several set backs and just keeps setting us back each time. 

I just want to do the best I can and make sure my family is provided for and can be we can be together and happy.  I just want our son to proud of us no be embarrassed by us and want to hang out with us more.  I like hanging out with him and want to take him more places and be able to afford the other things that the other kids do, to a point.  I just want him to be able to experience the things that he needs to in his life.  I am so proud of him and want him to be proud of himself.  He is so awesome and I love that boy so much. 

Now, I am biased and I know it.  Just like all the mothers out there.  I love all my kids and wish them all the best and hope the devil will leave them alone and they can live for God and do the best they can.  I know they can.  Well, I have got to get back to my chores and get some things done.  Have a good weekend and a blessed Sunday!!

Free eye exams

As I sit here trying to find a dang eye doctor place that is open on a Saturday, I am getting more and more disappointed.  Does anyone not get glasses or contacts in Brownwood on Saturday?   Give me a break.  This is really the only time I wanted to do it.  I am really really wanting and needing a new pair of glasses or contacts.  Maybe it will make my headaches go away.  I hope so.  I will also include a link for all of us poor folks that need assistance with getting an exam and our glasses and etc.  It is:   http://www.allaboutvision.com/eye-exam/free-exam.htm  

There you will be able to find out some useful information and hopefully get yours or your spouses or your children some affordable exams or eye glasses.

I am still on the hunt here and will let you know or will post a pic.  Happy hunting for all.

I hope someone I know reads this...

Well, first of all I need to correct something that was in an earlier post.  I wrote something about not wanting to kill myself and I forgot a word.  I did not put don't and therefore it showed that I had wanted to commit suicide.  Now, I know that is NOT an option.  I will never do that.  I am teaching my son that suicide is not an option.  We have known several people who have done it and his father's best friend tried one night.  That is just something that we tell the boys that is unacceptable.  There are several teachings and I will talk about some and give examples in the bible.

Next, I also want to apologize to my mother-in-law.  I said some things that I did not mean and I am sorry.  I know you are reading this.  I was mad that day and wish I could take them back.  I could delete the post, but I am going to leave it to show that I was wrong and that I have learned from it.  I am still very sorry.  I know that you are helping us and I was very angry with her and I know lashing out is not the answer.

I just wish there was a way to fix all the wrong done in our lives whether it be what we have done or what has been done to us.  I know, I know, we don't live in a fantasy world.  I guess I am just too naive to realize sometimes, but I want to be positive and at least try.  Right now my husband and I are arguing because of his hard-headedness.  I know I am hard-headed too but what else can I do?  I pray that the Lord opens our eyes to see and hear what we need to hear.  I am so tired of arguing over nothing.  I cannot take this anymore!!!  I have been trying to be positive and now I am afraid I am not going to be able to stay positive.  I hate the way he talks to me.  So much hatred.  It is not fair.  I am trying to help him and I get pushed away and told how stupid I am for trying.  I am broken and cannot be repaired anymore.  Will I ever find my way back?  Please Lord help me.  I just hope someday soon we can find our happiness again.

Our way...

Saturday:  I am now in love with my husband more than ever. He did something so out of the ordinary.  I am so proud of him. He decided to pick his family over his habit.  I am so happy and he makes me so happy. We had a chance to go to a party and he turned the car around and decided that we would not go.  

Sunday:  Had a wonderful day at church.  The sermon was excellent and very informative and engaging.  I love how our Preacher preaches.  Now, that evening was not perfect, but we take the good times with the bad I guess.

Monday:  I know the power of God was working Saturday afternoon because he turned the car around and we came home and spent time with our son and his mom and step-dad.  We played dominoes and played music.  We had even stopped to get a six-pack of beer to celebrate since I was so excited and he was too.  I cannot express how I was so happy and just felt like a chain had been taken off or released.  Now, what I meant by the power of God at work earlier is that while we were headed down the road to go that way, I was playing a game on my laptop and suddenly felt really sleepy.  Well, I told my husband that I was going to close my eyes for a bit (well, it was the Holy Spirit making me keep my mouth shut and let him concentrate and have that war with his good and evil to make a good decision). I understood that afterwards.  Well, it felt like I had been asleep for about an hour and in reality, it had only been about 10 minutes or less.  I awoke to him turning the car around in the bar-ditch and I was so confused.  I saw that where we had turned there was road construction, but it did not dawn on me what was going on.  I asked him if the road was closed.  Well, with a look on his face that is indescribable, he told me no and that we were going home.  Well, at first I was just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Then, it dawned on me that we were not going to go to that party and mess up and back-slide on what I had been trying so hard not to do.  He talks about it all the time and it really infuriates me.  But, I do not say anything and just try to let it go and let him talk it out.  Now granted I don't feel as though it has the same pull on me, but in a way I know it has to and that we all have to deal with addiction in our own way.  We have been very honest with our son and I tell him everything that I think he needs to know and try to use as much of this as a teaching tool for a learning moment so that he understands later when he is faced with these issues.  The devil with try anything and I intend to educate my son so that he can be prepared to wage that war with evil and win.  Like our preacher says about the Bible, we know how it is going to end.  So, we know who wins...

Have a wonderful week!!!  God bless!!

Bible study

     I really wanted to do bible study this evening.  Man it is late, but I got it done and feel really good about it.  There were so many roadblocks to conquer just to get here.  Internet issues, computer issues, my son having an asthma attack and his inhaler has run out and he had to take a breathing treatment but the dog chewed up his breathing apparatus.  So, we had to use southern ingenuity to fix him another one that worked and the breathing machine gave us problems but we finally got it and now I am done with my Armor of God study and I feel good.  I cannot believe I am even up this late.  I didn't get a bit of sleep the night before because my husband abscessed tooth was hurting him so bad. I tried all of the home remedies and everything I could concoct up that I saw on YouTube or read when I Googled it.  These late nights are really wearing me down and I started my new job on Tuesday and I am just pooped.  

     But, I am filled with the Holy Spirit and just feel so much better for taking the time to listen to Priscilla Shirer and take part in the Armor of God Study and learn so much.  Now this is just my first week even though I have been to one of the studies at church for ladies night.  I have the book now and know what I am up against and I am ready for this.  Thanks to my mother-in-law who introduced me to this study and now it has lit a fire under me to suit up and put on my armor and get into this battle and fight!!!

      Thank you Jesus!!  Y'all have a blessed day!!!

     It's Friday!!!  Have a wonderful weekend!!

Headaches slow you down

      My head is pounding.  I've taken some Aleve, let's hope they kick in soon.  I've got to get going and not be late for my first day at this job.  I am super excited, but this damn headache is stealing my joy.  Argh!!!  I wanted to be rested and ready for this, but I hurt too bad to sleep and my husband kept waking me up all night.  Dammit.  I just wanted to be prepared for a day of hard work since I know it is going to be hot, noisy and I'm in a new place.  I will get through this.  

      Well, I made it through the day.  It wasn't too bad, but different.  It was hot, as I knew it would be. Working for the cleaners is a really hot job but I had done it before and I can handle it.  It is just hard coming in and working for someone new and there is different equipment, but essentially the same.  I just have to learn how they do it.  As always though, it is the quality, not the quantity that keeps the customers coming back.  I totally agree and not just because I am slow.  I am very picky and like to do a good job.  I don't want anyone to not take their time if it were my shirt and I was having to pay to have it pressed.  They want to look good and I want to do a good job.  That is all there is to it.

      Now, after coming home, I was pleasantly surprised that my husband had mopped, vacuumed, did the dishes and all of the laundry.  He had even made the bed.  I am so proud of him and glad he felt like getting up and taking care of all of those things so that my mother-in-law and I did not have to when we got home.  To top it all off, he even cooked us supper.  I am really blessed to have him and I cannot express how proud I am of him and I am so lucky to be his wife.  I love that man with all my heart and I like I always say, he is my FOREVER.  Well, I've to go back at it again tomorrow morning, so I have to get some sleep.  MAYBE.  If I can get him to sleep tonight.  This not sleeping is driving me crazy.  But, that is another story.  LOL  Good night everyone & God bless.