Life is hard...

     Life is hard.  I know, I know it is hard on everyone. Well, I know everyone takes it differently and everyone has a different goal or purpose of being here.  I really think I know what my purpose is and there are some who do not know, but sometimes it is just hard to stay focused on that goal and to keep going.  There are days of depression and days of just don't want to.  I think I am having one of those days.
     I am just so run down and do not know what to do.  It just keeps nagging at me that there is really nothing I can do.  I want to be excited about a possible job tomorrow morning.  I really hope I get this job, but really think I want a merchandising job. Who knows, maybe I don't know what I want.  I know I am damn good at pressing shirts and have experience and can just get to work and not have to waste a lot of time of training on the equipment.  I know I can do it.  Instead, I just want to be able to find a position in merchandising that will suit me.  I know that there is one out there.  I just have to keep going until it comes along.  I have to be positive.  I always tell my husband that things happen for a reason.  

     And usually he just looks at me like I'm crazy and then usually, things do happen that work out in the end.  How crazy is that?  I am usually the positive one.  It just so happens that when I am down, he then becomes the one that is positive that keeps me going and I love him for that.  
     Now, the words written above were typed on the way to church this morning and a lot has happened since this morning.  Man, has it.  Our preacher led a sermon this Valentine's Day that was spot on to my life.  I am so amazed that he was preaching and talking about everything, and I do mean everything, that is happening in my life right now.  It was so amazing and I gasped once during the sermon and my husband had to keep me in my seat.  I am telling you that he had my life nailed!!  I am still in shock.  I won't go into all of it, but let me tell you that it opened my eyes a bit more and put a little more on the fire that is burning in me and under me to keep going.  So you see, life is hard.  Let's not make it harder by being down.  Let's lift each other up and keep each other motivated and love one another.

God bless.

Need Prayers and Spiritual Guidance

If anyone out there can pray for us it would be much appreciated.  We have been having some problems with some supernatural things that have been happening in the evil spirit way and I am just needing some guidance and some prayer.  We are also needing prayer in the aspect of our marriage.  

We are struggling to get back into society from being incarcerated, addicted to an illegal substance and just all-around family stuff.  I really want to get back into church and just be normal and raise our son and be good people so to speak. 

I have a job that I have applied for and really want that I can do really well and hope the man calls me on Monday to go do it.  I just pray that I can do this and get us going on this part of our lives.  We have no house, no money, no jobs and just need to get the ball rolling on applying for HUD and getting things that need to be done, done and keep going.  If you can help, please do.  God bless you and thank you.

Been trying to get back into Church...

      Well, my mother-in-law got me motivated to go to the Women's meetings at the church on Tuesdays. Well, I had already felt the urge to go back to church. I feel this yearning to go hear the Word and just go to feel the presence of the Spirit there.  High Mesa Cowboy church is the only church I have felt that. The church we went to before, I did not feel it like this.    
      We are now going to Tuesday night meetings and we are studying from the book The Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer.  It is a really good one.  At first it seems like a lot of stuff to cram in there, but it really makes you think and try to learn.  Right now I have this burning inside where I want to learn but I have to reign it in for now and take it slow.  I yearn to learn more and more each day and my husband is more laid back and tells me to put the books and computer away and just let it be.  I have to do as he wishes and try to decipher what I have learned but it is so hard for me.  I am not capable of learning like him.  I have to see it, write it and hear it.   I have to press it into my brain and then see if I left a big enough etch to make it stay or I have to brand it in there.  I'm not kidding.  I have to go over it a few times to make it stay, so to speak.
     We are also working a little project for me.  It is a small hinged piece of wood that I found and I do not know if it came from a box or if is a book cover of some kind.  

     I am imagining it is an antique bible cover.  I am sanding it down and am I am going to stain it and us my wood burner and burn some phrases or passages into it. The problem is which ones.  I have this theme running through my head of GRACE.  I have been on this since I was in jail.  That is what kept me going.  Just looking at my dog-eared, extremely used Recovery Bible they gave me in jail.  You can see where I have put the word GRACE on the outer part of the exposed pages so that everyone can see that I am here now because of God's grace.  In each letter of GRACE, I put each member of my family.  Granted, I had nothing to do for 21 days in solitary but read, I had time to read almost the whole bible and learn as much as I can. While I was in there, I also put every passage that I read that had GRACE in it in the front of that bible.  I am still having a hard time trying to decide which one since I keep finding more and more when I go back and read or when I just read more scripture.  This "hunt" so to speak means a lot to me and my husband is being very helpful in trying to find that perfect one.  I will let you know when we find it.  To be continued...

My son the promo guy-The Perfect Pillow, take two

My son the promo guy-The Perfect Pillow

What are they thinking?

What are they thinking?

      I don't know who told them that what they are putting out and what the kids are listening to these days is good music.  It is so stupid sounding.  The kids now-a-days, do not have a clue as to what good music is.  If only they knew what we know.  We have a whole library of really good music, not all one genre, but a mixture of sorts.  We prefer and lean-to mostly Classic Country (the 90's era is the best produced ever), but we mix in some Rock, Metal and whatever sounds good to our ears.  

       It is very hard for us to listen to the radio these days because there are not that many Classic Country Stations anymore.  The radio stations are all New Country or that awful Rap, Thug or Party crap.  Can't understand the words, just hear the thump and makes me want to throw up.  They don't know what we feel when we hear a steel guitar and a fiddle.  That speaks to our soul more than anything.  We can feel the emotion in all the songs.  Most country songs we listen to, you can take your partner out on the dance floor and shine your belt buckle.  That means you dance so close that you shine your belt buckle on your partner's shirt.  I love those songs.

     My husband and I love to dance.  As we get older, they are few and far between, but we can cut-a-rug.  One time, we had an older gentleman come up and shake my husband's hand and said it was pleasure to watch me and my husband dance.  He said he had seen nothing like it before and he wished he could do it.  Now, my husband was beaming.  I just love to dance with him.  He just has a way that is so natural.  I can feel his next move.  Now, we did not do a standard 2-step, Tommy does something else. Will have to explain when I have more time.  

       Anyways, about the music, what the heck are they thinking?  These young punks have no idea what they are singing about and  they have no idea how cheesy and gay they sound.  It is hard to have heart and soul in the music when they have never been through what others have to wrote the song or even lived it.  Country is not all about getting drunk and losing your old lady and your dog.  There are  a lot more emotions and problems in the mix.  We think the heart and soul of country music is slipping away.  Now we know George Strait and Alan Jackson have sang songs about how things have changed.  There are a lot of greats out there that just can't believe how far it has gone.  We need to do something about it.  We can't say they can't sing.  They just can't sing Country.  Putting too much Pop in it.  As Hank Williams Jr. says it ain't Rock N Roll, sure as hell ain't Country or Rhythm and Blues.  We don't know what it is exactly, but we don't like it.  

Road Trip

     Road trip!!  On our way to the park to let our son take pictures with the tanks.  He is a tank fanatic. He is really excited.  Cody loves just about anything to do with the military and he talked about it all last night.  He even woke up early and picked out his best camouflage outfit and was ready.  I had to tell him we had to wait for his dad to get up.  Man, he was so impatient.  But, after I had a job interview and we had some lunch, we are finally on our way...


Holy cow, that was so fun.  He got to climb up on the tanks and personnel carrier.  He had a hard time getting up there, but it was worth it.  I even got up there on a few of them.  I had so much fun too and got lots of photos and some video.  My husband was so nice to keep our dogs wrangled so I could take pictures of Cody.  We even got a few shots with our dogs up on one of the tanks.  They had just as much fun as I did.  LOL  

This day meant a lot to me and I am so glad we got to go out as a family and do something like this.  We normally do not.  We stay at home and stay shut in our rooms because we are not social people anymore. We are not accepted into alot of groups due to the mistakes we have made.  I am trying to remedy the mistakes, especially the ones concerning our son.  He had to go without me for 21 days at one time due to me being locked up.  I know that is nothing compared to most, but it was too long for me.  I was in solitary for 21 days because I had one Xanex in my purse that was not mine.  I did not even remember it was in there since I don't take them.  A friend gave it to me because I was upset one day and thought I needed one.  Needless to say, I threw it in my bag and never thought about it until the police officer that was searching my bag for illegal drugs says "Is this yours?"  And I say "yes".  How was I to know it was an illegal drug since I did not take pills or dabble in the pill area of illegal drugs.  Huh.  Well, come to find out, it was a crime to have that and I went to jail that night.  I got lucky.  After that, they moved Xanex up to a felony and I got away with a misdemeanor.  Whew!!!!  I got to see the judge and it was a sentence of 10 days in jail, so "time served".  I guess they don't worry about the other 11 days, but hey, like I said, I got lucky.  I cannot get that time back and I know that my son was worried about me.  Especially since my husband went to jail too that night.  At least he was with our friends and he stayed with them the whole time.  I cannot help but feel like I failed him that night.  Especially since I had just gone to jail for the first time in my life just weeks before that and spent 4 days in jail.  I had closed our checking account some years back and had missed a check, so I had a hot check out there that I was unaware of and did not even know there was a warrant for me until I was arrested.  So, color me surprised on that day.  Ironically enough, that day too my husband was arrested.  There was a pattern for us that we went to jail together evidently.  Then one night, that changed.  Tommy got arrested and I did not.  That was one time that he went to jail without me.  It was a hell of a lot cheaper to get me out each time though.  He was way more expensive than I was.  His bonds were way higher each time than mine. 
Either way, we both still feel bad about not being there for our son. I thank God that we actually got to get out.  I hope I never have to go back.  I am afraid that one day Tommy will have to and I do not want that.  Still trying to fight one of his arrests.  But, that is another story...

Here is a cute video with some of the shots...

https://goo.gl/photos/SbJcARhwkf1mrvNe8