Blessed, dressed and ready for the day...

     Taking the grandbabies to their doctor appointments today.  They have missed a few the doctor's office told me.  But, we will get them back on track.  I was told that they were up to date and had been going. Another lie.  I hate being lied to.  Just tell me the truth and deal with it.  I really hoped their mother would get out of this lying stage or whatever it is.  I know it works for her for others, but not me.  Anyways, we are going to try and keep up with all of the appointments that are needed for their health and whatever CPS wants the kids to be evaluated on.  

    We are not fans of CPS and will probably not ever be.  We have had dealings with them even before we were on drugs.  They have been horrible to us then and even more so when we were getting clean and caring for our youngest son.  There are many families out there that need CPS to get involved, but for someone to call CPS on us was uncalled for.  I am well aware of who did it and have forgiven them, but in our case, it was a joke.  All I can say is we were on our way to getting clean regardless and that almost pushed us back into hell.  I have never called CPS on anyone and do not plan to.  I hate though when you hear people saying "I'm going to call CPS on you".  I just wish those folks would think before they speak.

    I at first had a hard time with this new change, but I think I am getting the hang of it again.  I was frustrated at first because our daughter could not take care of these kids.  And to be honest, it is hard, but we are in a position to take care of them because others cannot.  We are in recovery and CPS at first told us that we would not be able to keep the kids but, they changed their minds when they found out the other choices.  Now that tells you that we are the better fit if you can believe that.

    

    

    It just brings a smile to my face each time Tommy loves on these babies.  I know they make him so happy and that just makes me the happiest woman in the world.  Tommy is my forever and I love him so much.  This is a struggle for us, but we have faith in God and we will make it.  I have no idea who reads this or if anyone reads this, but I feel better just putting my feelings down and I also feel better when I talk to God and pray about all of this that is going on.

    Well, the time has come to get everything rounded up that needs to be rounded up.  It is not too much with a toddler and an infant, but it can be overwhelming at times.  Cody helped me get a new stroller the other day when we bought a better car seat for Nova and let me tell you it is so much better.  The car seat snaps into the stroller just like the base and has a seat for Peyton and I love it.  It makes trips to the park, the store, and now to the doctor so much better.  

    

    I hope everyone has a blessed day and be happy and kind.  Lord knows we all need it.

Just keep swimming...

     We saw some of our friends yesterday evening.  We are all in recovery and caught up a little bit.  We are so proud of each other and how we can all keep going.  Being able to talk about those things with others who understand helps so much.  There are days when I tell my story to everyone I see when I can and there are days when I just can't go through the thoughts again.  It can be a little overwhelming at times, but we get through it.

    Our grandbabies are keeping me going I know that.  We ate a late breakfast and went to Rose Park and played most of the morning.  We can feed the prairie dogs there, so we take a sleeve of crackers and try to get them far enough for them to grab and take back to their safe homes.  I just know I am tired, but I am so blessed to be able to do this with those kiddos.  My husband asked me to resign from my job to stay home due to the health issues I have, but we did not know that we would be taking this adventure, but we are glad that we are.  I would not change a thing.  

    I am in constant pain from arthritis that I have been diagnosed along with and fibromyalgia.  I am having a CT Angiogram the day before Thanksgiving and will find out if there are any problems with my heart.  I am praying that we can only have to deal with the arthritis and the bulging discs in my neck.  Small vessel disease runs in my family and I really do not want the doctor to tell me that is what it is.  I have ALL the symptoms.

    Eiher way, I will continue to live my life to take care of my family.  I know that I am not suffering as much as others that are out there, so I need to stop complaining and keep going.  I don't know what I want to accomplish with this blog, but I just want to be able to put my feelings out there and try to help others when I can.  I really have no idea how I am going to do that, but will try to find information that is helpful and can share it.  I just want to tell my story and try to inspire others.  I want so much for my family and myself that I want to be able to pray more and give more.

God bless y'all.

Getting back into the swing of things, I hope...

     There is so much to write about and so much going on that I cannot think of everything to put in this post.  We have been in recovery for over 5 years and are doing good.  No relapses, thank the Lord.  Things had gotten a little rough during quarantine when Tommy and I contracted COVID, but we only lost our taste and smell and had minor symptoms.  We quarantined with Cody even though he tested negative and still had no symptoms.  I was worried he would get it and it would complicate his asthma.   But we were blessed.  

    It has been over a year since I have written a blog post.  So much has happened and so much has gotten better.  We are still living paycheck to paycheck, but we have good reason too.  I have resigned from my job at the cleaners over a month ago to stay at home due to health issues, but now we are keeping 2 of our grandbabies and I am staying home with them to take care of them.  It is a sudden change since our youngest son is 19.  Peyton is a year and a half and Nova is almost 4 months.  It has changed our lives for the better in our eyes we enjoy these babies.  Not to say it is not stressful sometimes, but we are getting along nicely.  

    I will have more in later posts, since I am trying to get back into blogging.

God bless y'all.

How can I keep going?

The only way to keep going is with God on my side. It just keeps getting harder and harder each day. We have our oldest son and his wife move in with is temporarily and it's hard. Besides the fact that there is not enough room for all of us and the financial responsibilities are tough. We really want to help as many others as we can since we have been helped by many through our addiction and stupidity.  I am trying my best to be a good person. We have tried this once before and we were taken advantage of. It ended badly. But, I just cannot allow them to live in their car. We are in a position to help others,  but when it seems like I do everything,  I'm tired. I work full-time, just finished getting my Bachelor's degree and I want to go back for my Master's,  but may have to put it off since I have no time and cannot do homework with all of them there.  Our granddaughter stays with us a lot when they are able to keep her.  I will make sure that she gets to see her parents. But why is it so hard for me? I'm trying to be a good person but feel like a doormat.  I don't want help, just someone to try and so things. Just try not to tear up our stuff. I'm just frustrated by everything.  I pray we can all make it until they find a place to live. Will continue this later...

End of year

This is the last of 2019. Things are so much better than they have been. We have our good days and bad days. Everyone is human. I am so proud of us for overcoming so much. Trying to balance work, school and home life has been challenging and I have finally succeeded in getting my Bachelor's degree. I am so excited. I am applying to continue my education by getting my Master's degree. 2020 is going to be a great year for us. Will update more soon. It's been a while.

What's our purpose...

I have no clue anymore. I thought I was here to be a good person and to take care of my husband and family. It seems all I do is get griped and or get ignored. I can't do anything right some days and I try so hard. I work 40 hours a week to try and help provide, try and get my homework done while trying to keep the house clean, make sure Cody does his homework and cook supper and plan meals. It's so hard when my husband works 50+ hours a week and us so tired and cranky and I feel lonely and left out. He makes me feel like I'm bothering him when I talk to him. He's either on the phone or watching TV. I'm tired too, but I still have to get up and do what needs to be done. I just want to spend time with him and it's so hard when he's in a bad mood. He looks angry ALL the time. I'm scared to talk to him sometimes. I reach over at night while he's asleep and pray for God to be with him and help him. I ask God to protect him and let him know how much I love him. I pray for all of us. All of the kids, granddaughter, in-laws, everyone. I want us to be happy again. I don't want to be afraid. I just need peace and a little love. Is that too much to ask?

New Year

This is the perfect time to thank God for all our blessings. Thank you Lord.